hey

So, I can't even update on the events of yesterday. We didn't get him home until midnight and the emotions are just too raw right now. I am so angry at him and at my mom.

I have to put it aside and get through work. Then I can deal with all this.

I have finished the first week of the TWW... I started cramping yesterday (like very mild AF) but, that is just probably a signal of a very bad PMS.

P.S. Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes and prayers. They are truely appreciated.

Prayers needed again....

Please please please. My brother was arrested last night. We thought he was sober again from his last relapse. I don't even know what to feel. We are picking him up after his arraignment tonight after 24 hours in lock up. We are going to try to convince him to pick up and leave Ny and move to Tx with my other brother. I don't think he will want to do it. But, I don't see him living much longer with the poisonous influences here.

We thought he was dead this morning when he didn't come home. We found his car by his friends house in front of a sump and DH was walking through the sump looking for his body. I can't even believe that it came to that.

Please, take some time tonight to pray for him. He is such a good person with an amazing heart and the best ability to love.... he is suffering from a terrible addiction and I can't lose him. My heart is breaking.

My new outfit!

So last month while in the TWW I went to a store and fell in love with a pair of pricey jeans. But, you know.. I could have pregnant so I didn't get them... sigh... Stupid. However, I promised myself that if I wasn't pregnant I would go back and buy them.

Since yesterday was pay day.. I went back.. I figured I have to go a NKOTB concert next week and Joey Mac would love to see me in new jeans, of course. ;) So, not only did I get new sexy jeans but, I got a new top, new necklace and cute short sleeved black jacket to wear over it all!!

I think I will wear my sexy peep toe pumps with it. So, of course I need a pedicure. AHHH.. Pampering myself is nice... as is leaving beyond my financial means.. LOL.. Hey if I can't get pregnant, I might as well look good!




Quicky question... I needed knew jeans because my old ones are too faded. I hate them now. But I read once that you could use RIT dye to re-darken your jeans... Does this really work? Do they look good as new.. or kind of crazy?

Two week waiting...

While this is fun... it only occupies a few minutes...

What do you do to waste time during the tww...

by the way.. If I am popping bubbles online at 4dPiui... this is going to be a long two weeks.

Where were you?

Seven years ago today, I was in grad school in PA.

I remember rolling over in bed and turning on the news. Both towers had been hit. I was scared out of my mind. I called every family member in NY but, the line was busy.

I had no idea what was happening. I went to school to have the teacher cancel class. He said, "If you need to use our office phones to get in touch with your family, you may". I was the only one from NY and I blurted out, "I can't get in touch with them". Everyone just looked at me, quiet.

And then I went back to my apartment to wait. I remember driving and looking out over to the mountains in Bloomsburg, towards NY. I was so helpless.

My dad worked in the area and I had no idea what to do.

Then I finally got through to my aunt, also in PA. She knew nothing either. But she asked me to come to stay with her in Reading. I didn't want to leave my place until I hear from my family. I needed to be where they could find me if they got through.

I called and called. Busy busy busy..then finally a ring,

" Your call can not be connected due to the tornado in the area".

That was when I lost it. Really. I just wanted to get into a car and drive home but, I knew I wouldn't get home.

So, I waited and finally I got my mom at work. Everyone was okay and she was getting her stuff together to go volunteer at NYC hospitals to help survivors. She is a nurse. But, there was no one to be helped. She was turned away at the place where they were all supposed to meet to get assignments.

I couldn't get into NY to see my family for over a week. Then they finally allowed people over the bridges. I got home as soon as I could. I believe it was the second weekend after 9/11.

I will never forget how good it was to hold my family. Never.

And because of that day I will never live far away from my family again. Never.

I have NEVER felt so helpless and alone in my life. I hope to never feel that way again. I couldn't even hold the ones that I loved that were in NY watching this horror unfold. I couldn't do anything.

Tonight when I look out in my front yard I will see the tribute in lights from NYC. And I will never forget. Never.




I was one of the lucky ones who didn't lose any close family or friends. Of course, I knew people who knew people. But, I did lose something that many American's lost. The feeling of security and safety. I can remember jumping everytime I heard a low flying plane. In fact I still look up. I think I always will.

God Bless those who lost family and friends. This day is awful.

Where were you?

All done...

Quick and easy. I didn't even feel a pinch today and was confused when the doctor stood up. She was done??? But I didn't feel it. She said, "well everything was very open today. That means we timed it perfectly"... OH god.. please let that be true.

She had me lay on my right side since I am ovulating from my right side. She never did that before. She said, "Maybe gravity will help".

So since I took a half day today I put myself right to bed.. on the right side with a pillow under my hips.. Come on gravity!!

Now I am eating my favorite lunch.. Chicken noodle soup.. Campbell's of course. And then I am off to work...

Lucky number.. ummm... 5???

Tomorrow is my 5th IUI.. Yikes.. I think I have been going at this for too long!

I have been at the RE every day since Friday and I even got to bond with some sweet ladies. About 4 of us have all been there the past 3 mornings and we got to know each other. We want to do a study of how many educators have IF. Seriously almost every single person in the waiting room was a teacher or worked in education (a couple of us speechie ladies). It is weird.

Has anyone else noticed this?

Okay.. and here is my heavy topic for today...

We were talking at lunch yesterday about Sarah Palin. It was two infertiles and one older lady ( sounds like the start of a bad joke ;) ). So, the older ladies goes, "I don't want to offend you two that are going through fertility treatments but, Sarah is in her 40's and knew she a baby with Down's. She should have aborted. I'm sorry but, abortion is there for a reason and some people really need to abort."

So, it took all my strength not to throttle her. She is new to our building but, I have known her for years. She definitely didn't make any new friends yesterday. Lady, you work in special ed. So, I guess all women who know that they are carrying a special needs child should abort?? Why? She said it as if it was cruel to bring the child into this world. I called my Mom who is a L&D nurse and she says that she hears that opinion all the time. But, even thought I am pro-life, I am of the understanding that women in America have a CHOICE! And that choice can be to keep your baby, regardless of his disability. No one should be chastised for their choice. That is what Pro-Choice means right? It doesn't mean that someone can dictate your choices.

I guess I just have a hard time with her feeling that way when she has dedicated her life to helping special needs children! AND.. she knew it was going to strike a nerve with the two infertiles in the room. She just 3 minutes earlier talked to us about how hard IF is and all that we are going through. She knew we were both having a rough time with this.. She said that she knew it might offend and then she continued to say this awful thing. So, was it just nothing for her to say something so hurtful?