Sorry I haven't been updating...

I have been sick and in classes or conferences all weekend. Today, I stayed home because I felt like death. I made an appointment with my doctor and apparently I have an upper respiratory infection that has flared up my asthma. I had to have a nebulizer treatment in the office and I think I have a fever right now. I am on antibiotics and I took to Tylenol.

So, I am in bed, sick. I am coughing loud up to wake the whole neighborhood and my throat is soo sore. The PA took one look in my mouth and thought it was strep throat. But, the rapid test was negative. I did get a talking to about keeping up with my inhalers because, I could be depriving the baby of O2.

Funny thing.. I did find out that the PA also went to the same RE as me. How do you like that? :) We had a little bonding over that.

Tomorrow morning might be my graduation appointment at the RE. I will do everything I can to get there.. work however, we'll see. I hate to use these precious sick days that I have saved up for maternity leave. I know that each time I see the midwife I will have to use 1/2 a day since she doesn't have evening hours. So, I am really trying to rest up so I can make it into work.

Popcorn

My mother in law just sent us this big ass tub of popcorn and other sinful goodies from the Popcorn Factory. I may call in sick to work tomorrow so I can eat popcorn all day.

God this is heaven. I just downed a whole bag of white chedder popcorn that I am quite sure was meant for more than one person. But, hot damn.. It was good.

That's all.

I got to hear the HEARTBEAT TODAY!!!!

Omg.. I was the most amazing thing. I didn't know you could hear it before 9 weeks ( I always thought they dopplered you on the outside)

But, they have a doppler on the internal sonogram and as we were looking at our little baby (that's right.. as of today I am calling it a baby.. I never referred to it as anything before today) they switched on the doppler.

I haven't been too affected by seeing the sonograms.. but, that noise.. Omg it floored me.

The progression of the little one from 6 weeks to 7 weeks is just amazing. Last week it was a little smudge and this week you could see the yolk sac separate from the baby and you could even see the little heart on the printout!!


I am in heaven... And the other good news was a total surprise! I come home and open my mail and I have a 500$ middle class property tax rebate to deposit. I didn't even know it was coming.

I was going to hold off getting a bella band until tommorow, payday... but, the presidential debate is just miles from my house and they are shutting down all the roads.. of course, the ones that lead to the mall.. So, I am heading to the mall todayto buy a bella band with my tax rebate!!! Wow!! I feel so good today!!

I have such an emotional hangover..

We brought my brother and his dog to the airport in Philly (long story about why he didn't leave from NY).

It was incredibly emotional and sad... right up until my parents tried to withdraw money from their account to find that over the past few weeks, he drained their account... Then the anger and sadness came on full force.

I don't understand addiction. I just don't. But, I understand what it does to the family. He did call crying from within in the terminal and fessed up that he never did get clean in the past few weeks and had been stealing.. Yeah, for honesty when you are in an airport terminal and won't see your family for weeks. Good for you. (He has to come home for one final court date in November)

But, when he got to Tx, my other brother picked him up and they have spent every waking moment together. My Other brother thinks he sees a huge difference and that he really wants to get better... I have my doubts. He hasn't been burned by him though, since he lives in TX, not NY... So maybe some optimism is good for him. They went to church together.. We can't get him to church... So that was good.

I just pray that he can make it work and get himself a new life. He has a job interview tomorrow. I pray that he gets it because I don't know how he will react if he doesn't get a job in his field. He tells me he will just get a job anywhere for the time being. But, I don't know how much of a blow it will be if he doesn't get this job.

A funny thing happened today though. Matt called me to tell me that the "amazing" house that my brother bought in Tx... is such a mess and a dirty bachelor pad. Ha ha.. He made it seem like he had bought a palace!! He has big plans to fix it up for him. So, since my brother is a project sort of guy.. that could keep him really occupied for a while.

The dog is getting along well with my brother's other 2 dogs... 3 dogs.... yikes.. it must be so crazy.

So that's all on the brother front. Just keep praying..

One the baby front.. No news really.. Tons of cramping since I started the progesterone. It is kind of like the first couple of days after the BFP. I got a little queasy in church today but, nothing I can't handle..

And this progesterone makes me so bloated that you can totally tell I am pregnant. People are looking at my belly a little and my family is teasing me. I feel like such a fat ass to be showing at 6 1/2 weeks!! At this rate I will be in maternity clothes in no time. I had to walk around Philly with my pants unbuttoned all day. I think I will get a bella band come pay day. I was squeezing into my size 6's as it was and now I have very little hope of them fitting any loner.

baby maker website..

Dh sent me this link..



http://www.vw.com/vwhype/babymaker/en/us/



It is cute. You upload a picture of you and one of DH. It makes your baby..



I could live with this one. ;) It's kind of cute. The funny thing is... the website totally got dh's smile down. It's a little spooky.

Emotional Roller Coaster Day... some scary news.

We went today at 5weeks 6 days to the RE for our first sono. And we saw heart beat!! I was so excited. I was so excited that I let the cat out the bag to a few people at work today. That turned into the mighty rumor mill and by the end of the day so many people know. So I have been running damage control all day.

Then I get a phone call from the RE. My progesterone on the first beta was 24. The second beta was 21. That wasn't considered a fall. Just a fluctuation. But, today it fell to 15.

So I have to start suppositories tonight.

The logical side of me heard what they said, " Over 10 is still normal. The doctor was debating even giving you supplements at all but, since you m/c'ed in the past she decided to give them to you as a precaution".

The emotional, scared side heard, "You are miscarrying. Expect this heart to stop beating any day now".

Why would it drop at this point? I thought if your progersterone was low it was always low? Does anyone have experience with it dropping after the heart beat was seen and supplements saving the pregnancy? I am sooo frightened. I can't even curl up and feel sad. I have parent teacher night at my school in a few hours.

Also this update. My brother is moving to Tx on Saturday in order to get his life in order. This was an option that we presented to him but, he shot it down right away. After he had the drug dealer arrested that was threatening him he, on his own, started to take stock of the situation and how the influences in NY were just continually sucking him back into drugs. He came to us and told us he was moving. My Dad was not for it at all but, he insisted this is what he needs to for himself in order to quit.
Nancy, I hope this is what you told me would happen. He is finally doing it for himself. He quit his union job and has an inteview down there next week. He will be living with our brother and I hope and pray that this is what he needs. But, I am so so scared for him. He won't have us around him to protect him. Not that our influences have been helpful at all. Please everyone keep him in your prayers. I can't help feeling like is his last chance at saving his own life.

The only major pregnancy symptom I have....

I am an evil bitch. Even more so after about 7pm. Stephen tried to snuggle with me last night and I had to jump up on top of him and give him an angry display of how it felt to have someone breathe all over you. That was nice of me, no? I was just trying to be helpful. Don't you think that was nice.. Ha Ha.. Poor Stephen.

Last night when we were sleeping I almost threw him out of bed because his elbow touched me. Now to be fair, I am not a sleep snuggler. Never have been. We snuggle before we turn off the lights and then no touching for the rest of the night. I just don't like someone's hot body touching me. But now... yeah... It is grounds for nuclear war.

I think I am getting the tired stuff coming on and that is why I am so cranky. I am not sleeping well and peeing in the middle of the night is not so fun for someone who had irrational fears of the dark!! LOL Oh and the sense of smell thing is hysterical. I think I have a second career as a drug sniffing dog or something. Although it did prevent me from finishing my pizza last night becuase the smell was too strong.

Not complaining too much.. because, it doesn't affect me if I'm a little evil and at this point, Stephen might feel differently.. I say.. bring on the symptoms. I want to feel them all. I have waited too long for this!!