The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.

I would die for that.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Emotional Roller Coaster Day... some scary news.

We went today at 5weeks 6 days to the RE for our first sono. And we saw heart beat!! I was so excited. I was so excited that I let the cat out the bag to a few people at work today. That turned into the mighty rumor mill and by the end of the day so many people know. So I have been running damage control all day.

Then I get a phone call from the RE. My progesterone on the first beta was 24. The second beta was 21. That wasn't considered a fall. Just a fluctuation. But, today it fell to 15.

So I have to start suppositories tonight.

The logical side of me heard what they said, " Over 10 is still normal. The doctor was debating even giving you supplements at all but, since you m/c'ed in the past she decided to give them to you as a precaution".

The emotional, scared side heard, "You are miscarrying. Expect this heart to stop beating any day now".

Why would it drop at this point? I thought if your progersterone was low it was always low? Does anyone have experience with it dropping after the heart beat was seen and supplements saving the pregnancy? I am sooo frightened. I can't even curl up and feel sad. I have parent teacher night at my school in a few hours.

Also this update. My brother is moving to Tx on Saturday in order to get his life in order. This was an option that we presented to him but, he shot it down right away. After he had the drug dealer arrested that was threatening him he, on his own, started to take stock of the situation and how the influences in NY were just continually sucking him back into drugs. He came to us and told us he was moving. My Dad was not for it at all but, he insisted this is what he needs to for himself in order to quit.
Nancy, I hope this is what you told me would happen. He is finally doing it for himself. He quit his union job and has an inteview down there next week. He will be living with our brother and I hope and pray that this is what he needs. But, I am so so scared for him. He won't have us around him to protect him. Not that our influences have been helpful at all. Please everyone keep him in your prayers. I can't help feeling like is his last chance at saving his own life.


nancy said...

First of all, congrats on the baby!!! Seeing that heartbeat is a beautiful thing. And the doctor is on it regarding the progesterone. It fluctuates all the time, I wouldn't worry about it.

About your brother. yes. This is what I was talking about. It took me to move away from everyone who I had any drug relationship with. Yeah, I moved away from my family (well, to my brother's, but he was the only one there) but in all honesty, my family was just enabling me by continuing to help me. It took me about 10 days to detox and become like normal again and after that, I got a job and just stayed away from drugs, which was easy because I didn't know anyone where I moved to. I started a new life. I was going to come back, but instead, my new life was one I didn't want to give up. That will be 12 years ago at the end of this month. Yay!

Jendeis said...

Praying for you and yours. Hoping that everything resolves well.

theclam said...

Trish - thank God for seeing that heartbeat... Take the suppositories and try to relax. I'm sure all is well - {{{HUGS}}}}

Re your brother - I'm hoping this is his break. I'll be praying for him.


Amy said...

As I do not have any words to help -- I will send a hug and my positive thoughts.