The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.

I would die for that.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Okay, So I had a heart to heart with the RE today.

And... I feel a little better.

He and I talked about the FSH. Last month was much better. Even "beautiful". tee hee.. Like me??? He says the 12 was a one time thing in May. The tens... they mean my clock is ticking. After the baby we are making right now, I need to try again right away.. Which is so weird. I only got my period at 16???? Does that mean that menopause will come earlier for me? What a short time to have your period right? Anywho.. irrelevant, I guess.

He said that the effectiveness of Clomid increases with repeated use. I will hopefully have a better response this month. He said that people usually get pregnant after a few months of use.

He also said that the IUI's usually take between 4 and 6 tries to work, if they will work. So, we are at try number 5. He still really thinks that IUI's will do it for us. But if not after two months more... IVF or injectables... but probably IVF.

He aslo said the we fall under the "unexplained infertility with a little male factor too" umbrella. He says that even though Stephen's motility has increased (counts have lowered but, are still normal) that his sperm could be swimming in every which way and not forward. So, that could be our problem. And knowing Stephen's sense of direction, wouldn't surprise me... ;) MWAH Love you, babe.

He also said that my tubes could not being grabbing my egg correctly. I have no flipping clue what that meant. Really.

I asked about vitamins, he said, not really. So, he told me just to be patient.

Yeah, right.

But, I feel a little calmer today and I am putting all my energy into scrubbing every last speck of dirt off my cars and my house. Poor Stephen, I am making him help. Happy Vacation, my love.

On a happier note.. we went fishing on a party boat last night. It was Stephen's first time on the bay!! I didn't know that he had only been on boats on lakes.. I am a terrible wife. We have lived by the water for 4 years and I never took him on the bay!

I am also a terrible wife because...... I CAUGHT 5 KEEPERS.. and he caught NONE!!!! I can't stop gloating!! He's like, "You could have let me win since it was my first time fishing in salt water." Sorry dude, I can't help it if I am awesome!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Better FSH level.

I called and got last months level.


Much Better. I will find out this months level tomorrow or Friday. I get the blood drawn Tomorrow.


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I'm back and I brought a friend home with me...

Not a little friend that I am happy to see. Aunt Flo found me all the way in the woods. I tried so hard to hide from her.

I am beyond devastated. And to make it worse.. so is Stephen. I hate to see him cry. I feel so bad. We both have been a mess since yesterday. I can't take this anymore.

I just want an answer. Stephen's motility has been normal the past two times... So what gives? What is our problem? We got pregnant once, a year ago, only to end badly.. Why can't we get pregnant again?

I am being haunted by those 3 FSH levels... 10, 10, 12. Less than 10 is normal. The doctor isn't too worried but, I am. I need to ask what last months was and then what is this month's when I got for the cycle day 3 workup on Thursday. Could that be our problem? I just feel the need to know. I need to know why this is so hard for us.

So so so so sad today...... We are getting our CD3 testing done and then on Friday we will head back up to the cabin to work on the new kitchen installation.

Until then, I reserve the right to cry all week...

The worst part is.. School starts on Tuesday. Everyone left school in June saying.. "I can't wait to see you in the fall. I just know you will be pregnant." So everyone will be asking... and I will have to say, over and over, "No, I'm not pregnant, yet".

Yet. It is getting so hard to say yet. It is starting to feel like, never.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Talk to everyone next week.

We are leaving in a few hours. The doggie is so upset. She sees all the packing and keeps bringing us her toys. I wish she could understand that she is coming too!!!

I had to hang up on my mom today. She was like.. you need to not test until after you come back. Spend the weekend wondering. Yeah, Mom... I have said it before.. but, you had all 4 kids on accident. You didn't have to try for even one of them. You just don't get it. There is no way I will not test, if I am late. In fact, I will probably test tomorrow.

But, anyways.... I will be back sometime mid week. We both have off all week so when we come back really depends on if AF can find me up all the way up in the wilderness. If I get Af I will back midweek to get my Clomid script, the CD3 blood work and a sono. If not I may stay up through Labor Day so we can put a new kitchen in up there. My parents would be meeting me up there to help.

So if you don't hear from me by Wednesday.. I think you can assume it is good news... Otherwise.... Bring on Month 16... And I will uping my dose of Clomid this month to a full pill.

Have a great week!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


What a good news day..

Well not all good. I got a BFN.. I know, I know.. I shouldn't be testing yet. Too early. But I couldn't resist.. tee hee..

But my BFF just got promoted today and my brother just made Staff Sargent in the Air Force. (no, not the brother from my post the other day, the other brother!). I am so freaking excited for him!!!!! He took a test for it and found out today that he passed. He will get his stripes pinned on tonight at work and then will have to take them off. He gets put on a list for Staff Sargent and will get it "officially" as soon as one opens up! (Probably in a few months)

So, CONGRATS to all the people that got promotions today.

Can we get some good news our way this week???? Puh-lease.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

9 Days Post IUI...

Yup. Not much to report. The girls started to hurt today. On the side. They look a little big. I am bloated and I have PMS type cramps (mild but, they are there). Also, I have had a wicked time with my IBS the past two days and I puked a little yesterday (TMI.. I know )

All very, very normal PMS type things for me (except the IBS doesn't usually kick in at all until the day before AF is due). I have a couple of things planned to get me through the day. After tomorrow... all bets are off.. I can't be responsible for my actions when it comes to peeing on a stick.

We are going away on Thursday to my families' cabin upstate. AF is due while I am there. So, I won't be able to post a BFN or BFP until I get back. Although, I am pretty sure it is a negativo again.

The doctor said 3-4 cycles of clomid. One down. 2-3 to go.

Send me some baby dust girls!!!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Rough weekend.

Some very serious family stuff going on. Please keep my brother in your prayers. He has relapsed and I am just not sure that he really wants to be sober. It is very scary. Please, pray for him.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Psychic Stuff.

So there is this lady "C' at work. I have always thought she was too too weird. She never talks to me without provocation. And is super super quiet. So, of course, this bothered me and I went out of my way to chat with her. Especially in the last few weeks. I hate when someone doesn't want to be my friend. Well, My friend "M" thinks she is cool and won't tell me why. "M" is a bit of a crazy, cook but, I totally adore her.

So, today "M" tells me that they do "psychic stuff" together. Totally doesn't surprise me about me about "M". She is a total hippie and just a little off. But, I love her. Really.

So, apparently the other day they were doing some kind of psychic stuff ( I didn't ask what) and "C" predicted that I would have one boy and one girl. While "M" said two boys. I didn't ask for elaboration. And, apparently they were arguing about this. BUT, apparently, I walked in on all this. I can remember a day when I walked in they were all weird (which is so not off for "C"... she is always so weird) and I didn't think anything.

Anyway.. craziness. people are having premonitions about the children I will have. And the number is not zero. And honestly, I am very open about my infertility, but I have NEVER told "C" about it. NEVER. I have told "M" and it was never a secret. Most people know about my IF. But I never addressed "C" about it. So, do I care that someone was talking about it, No. But were they specifically trying to find info about it, or was it them trying to find a nice ending for me?

I don't kn0w how much I believe. But, still.... I guess it is a little bit of hope. It may be totally anti-catholic though. I am pretty sure it is.

Monday, August 11, 2008

ohhh two post in one day...

Lucky you!!!

I just had to post this! My grandma just informed us that she is paying for EVERYONE (me, DH, my parents and my siblings, my aunts and uncles, all of their children and applicable girlfriends) to go skiing this December, they day after Christmas!!! My brother got some leave approved and even he will be joining us!! We will be staying at Smugglers Notch, Vermont!!! My mom's cousin lives there and is a ski instructor on the weekends, so we can also hang with them!

I mean, honestly, my greatest hope is that I can bundle up Stephen and send him out skiing without me, while I make a pouty face about not going with him. I mean, who can go skiing with a big baby bump? I will have to shop and maybe get some spa services. Maybe I can ice skate or something. Or take the kiddies swimming in the pools. Or read a great book by the fire and bake cookies. I will be a little sad about not skiing. But, come on, I will be preggers.

Le Sigh........A girl can dream right?

However, since I don't allow myself silly hope like that, as of now I will be sliding down those slopes this December!!! NICE!!!

I had a busy weekend..

Let's hope it was very "re" productive.. I know.. I know. I am hysterical! LOL

I went for my blood work and sonogram on Saturday to check out my follies after the Clomid. I had used my OPK's Friday morning, Friday afternoon and Saturday morning... All negative. So when they told me I had one lead follie at 22mm, I was a little shocked. I had 4 other follies all less than 10mm. :( I don't know how I feel about that yet. I did have one that got much bigger than it usually does alone. I guess we were shooting for more though. Next month, I will be taking a whole pill of Clomid.

So, anyway, they were like, "we don't think you are surging but, lets take some blood and check anyway". Around 2 pm the phone rings. Guess what? I was surging. The surge is technically 25something and I was at 23 something but, they didn't feel comfortable waiting for Monday morning. So, Sunday morning (I got a positive OPK Sunday morning also) we went for the IUI.

Then we went home and after Stephen's softball game I made him do the deed with me. I tried again later the night. But, he told me it was too much. So, I may jump him again tonight for good measure. I think I ovulated (based on the crazy mittelschmerz I had at like 11pm) sometime last night.

So, cross your fingers. The Two Week Wait is beginning! (faint)

P.S. I saw Brett Favre at practice! I think I am over my Pennington grieving! Brett's arm is amazing!!!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Brett Favre... We don't want you.....

Unless you win of course ;)

But, Chad, Chad, Chad.... I am so sad. (that sounds like a poem). We will miss you here in NY. I just "met" you last week and I was so on the Chad bandwagon. I was always kind of there... but, after that I was firmly planted on it. He is one seriously nice guy and I really thought he was throwing better at training camp. Good Luck where ever you go. Dude... You were a cool JET. You were the ONLY Jet to look up an acknowledge the crowd during the rain delay on Saturday. The ONLY one. You will be missed.

But, seriously is Brett is only signed for one season. What about after that? Is he going to retire again and then leave us fucked? Ohh I am so mad. This was a really stupid deal, for the long term anyway. He is 38!! Come on.

My Jet cheer is a little sad and quieter this morning. J E T S Jets Jets Jets... (with a lot of apathy and not too much enthusiasm)

Oh and P.S. I feel a little better this morning. Lets see what happens after I eat.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Who wants to pretend to be my doctor for a minute?

So today, I am pretty bloated.
I feel full in my abdominal area.
It feels tight.. Kind of like everything inside is swollen.
My ovaries are a little pinchy feeling and I feel like, gas bubbles.

Could this be from the HSG?

Or could it be mild OHSS from the low does of Clomid?

The feeling is so hard to explain. It isn't painful, just really uncomfortable. Kind of like, you know when have to pee so bad that it hurts to hit a bump in the car and then after you pee it is still sore in your belly for a minute or two. Like that, with bloatingand pinchy ovary pains. LOL Has anyone ever experienced this either from the HSG or from Clomid?

Braces bunch people

Does anyone have the email with the braces bunch first generation websites? I am just realizing that I only have the BB2 on my list and I don't have that email anymore? I don't want to bother JJ with this right now so if anyone else could help me out it would be FAN-TAB-ULOUS!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Now that hurt!!

I'm back from the HSG. The good news... No clogs, blockage or anything. He said that any little clogs that were there are gone because of the test. So that is good. Lets hope it gets me pregnant very soon!

The bad news... OUCH!!! It hurt!! Really..

They were putting in the speculum, "just like the OB", he says. Um no. That mofo cranked when he opened it and I swear I could feel it up to my shoulders! Then he went to insert the catheter. But, my cervix was cooperative. It migrated. I have no idea how. But, it packed up and migrated.

Eventually he inserted the catheter. It hurt but, not that bad. Then came the balloon! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! He only inflated in 1/3 of the way because it hurt so bad. They they slid me back like a invalid on a hospital bed. And they took the pictures. They inserted the dye. It hurt a little but, not as bad and the fecking balloon! Holy crap! That balloon!

He said, "everyone should hope to have a study like yours!" I liked that!

It was kind of cool to see. One tube was all pretty and upside down U shaped. The other was a little more squiggly.. Still a U shape but just not as perfectly U shaped as the other. He said it was still perfectly fine. Apparently there is a lot of variation in tube shapes.

So, all in all it was okay.

I just have one pet peeve. WHY OH WHY do doctors offices only have those pads that are large enough to absorb the Nile River. Seriously. They make you waddle!! Buy some thin pads with all your money. I know those offices can afford it. They are not broke!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

And now.. I am vomiting...

Great. I took My first two doses on antibiotics yesterday and the third right before I got in the shower this morning. This antibiotic is for my HSG test to, I guess, stop infection possibilities. So yeah, I ate breakfast, got in my car, opened the door and puked. Right on the driveway. Twice. Then I ran inside and proceeded to get violently ill. Really bad.

I called the doctor and they seem to think it is my antibiotics, not the Clomid. Thank god. I am going to start taking zithromax tonight and I am going to make darn sure that I eat a a full meal with it!!! YUCK!! I was so upset to be puking. My puppy dog came to my rescue and was up in my face while I was puking. Very cute, but, I wanted to kill her.

I am so so scared for the HSG. Tell me it won't be so bad. Will it? I am only working until 12 and then I have the test at 2. * My sister is taking me and she is not so good on the compassion thing. Remember she called me a infertile bitch a few months ago. YIKES.

Also my Cervical fluid is indicating Ovulation should be soon. Maybe this weekend. I asked the doctor and they told me to start using the OPK's a little earlier. Maybe Wednesday (cd11). I have a sono appointment for Saturday but, honestly, I think I will be Ovulating around that time. We'll see. I have been wrong before about that.

*UPDATE! The office called and wanted me to come in at 8am! I couldn't do that because then I would have to take the whole day off and I only get paid per-deim in summer school. So, I am going in at 12:15. Yikes. I am scared!!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Holy Hot Flashes Batman!!!

Good F-ing Lord!!

I have downed 4 doses of Clomid (1/2 a pill each) and have decided that all it is doing is cooking me from the inside out.

I feel like a menopausal woman! It is worse at night. Last night I never slept more than an hour consecutively. I was hot.. then cold... then okay.. then hot again. Covers on... covers off.. It was bad. I went to Jets practice yesterday (WHERE I FINALLY GOT BRAD SMITH TO AUTOGRAPH MY SHIRT*) and I was sitting in the pouring rain.. not cold at all.. Okay so that was good. But, when it started to get scary out we ran over to Cherbet's bar.. (WHERE I MET WAYNE CHERBET!!**) and I had a beer and all of the sudden I was dripping with sweat. I heard that the hot flashes are worse when you have alcohol.. Well they were. Fun fun.

* I waited forever to watch Brad Smith sign all the kiddies. Then he started to go back to the lockers. I panicked. Stephen yelled his name and something about his jersey. The rest was in Slow Motion. It was beautiful. He glanced over from the 50 yard line. Then he did a double take. Big Smile when he saw my jersey (Note: The NFL doesn't make his jersey yet. I had to get it specially made.. yes I am a stalker). He came running back to the endzone fence where I was. He goes, " I saw the jersey and I had to come over". That's right. I impressed him. So he signed it. He wrote "To Trisha, Brad Smith 16" I did tell him my name was spelled Tricia but, oh well. It still says Tricia, sort of. Stephen told him that I wouldn't let anyone else sign it. Which was true. Bubba Franks tried to sign it and I told him "no, only Brad Smith". He looked hurt. So I told him, "Bubba you already got my hat." Then he smiled. Brad Smith laughed at this. He is cool. My chest was pounding a little.

** So we go to Cherbets bar for a drink and wings during the lightning delay. We are waiting at the bar and who strolls out but WAYNE CHERBET. FUCKING LEGEND!!! So, We met him. I told him how much my grandpa would have loved to meet him. He didn't seem impressed. So, I told him that my grandpa was a Hofstra Alum and a Season Ticket Holder for the Jets. He smiled and said "Really, he went to Hofstra, Cool." That was for you Grandpa! Stephen got him to sign his Martin Jersey. Not the right player but they are both retired. So kind of okay.