The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.

I would die for that.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Relaxing doesn't get you pregnant.

It doesn't. It just doesn't. And if one more person says it to me I am going to fucking scream.

Seriously, It is my fault a little. I am very open about our IF. But, how many times can I say, "I can relax all I want but, it doesn't make Stephen produce better sperm, it doesn't make me produce more eggs, and it DOESN'T stop me from having a miscarriage. It just doesn't."

I do get that stress doesn't help but, guess what, I can't forget that I want a baby. I can't go into a catatonic state at the doctor's so that I don't remember the appointments. I can't get rid of the other stressors. I can't stop worrying that my brother might start using drugs again and could die. I can't stop worrying about where I will be working next year since the numbers are down in the middle school. I can't stop the fact that money is tight. I just can't.

I having SUCH a hard time right now and I just want to do something silly to all those "just relax" people. Like something out of Harry Potter. Maybe I could make them vomit frogs or something.


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

1/2 a pill of Clomid

So, when I went into the RE for my CD3 stuff today, I had to meet with one of the other doctors.

She was surpised that I was doing Clomid since she knew I was really scared to do it.

She said that she has had some nice results using only a half a pill of Clomid. (She even has seen nice results using 1/2 a pill over 3 days rather than 5 days.).

She recommends this for some of her patients who are scared of multiples.

She said if I try it and only produce one follie, well then I still have one follie for this IUI and next month I can try the whole pill. She said that the two of the three female doctors are trying 1/2 a pill on a lot of patients and my doctor is not. I have no idea why.

So, I talked to Stephen and he really wants me to try the 1/2 of a pill.

So, that's what we are doing, for 5 days.

Hopefully it works. She said I might see 2-3 follies rather than 3-4 follies.

What do you think? Am I being stupid?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Asthma and HSG

So, I got the nurse on the phone. Apparently the dye is a shellfish derivative and could cause asthma symptoms. I explained that mine was very mild and I am NOT allergic to shellfish. They said I would have to go on six days of prednisone!! Kill me.

But, then the nurse called back and said the doctor at the radiology office said I didn't need it. I don't know why? I didn't ask questions.

I am going for the HSG on Tuesday at 2pm. My sister is going to take me. This should be fun. Do you remember my post from when I went camping. She is pleasure to hang out with. I don't want DH to waste anymore days off. I really want to go away in August and I want him to take off for the IUI's. I think they count more.

So, yeah.. asthma and shellfish and hsg. Who knew?


Okay, a non-infertile post, if you will humor me.

I love the Jets. I only started loving football when I met my sweet hubby. He was the only guy to explain it to me and tell me fun facts during games. Other boys just shushed me or ignored me. Stephen got me into it. But, even when I wasn't into football I loved the Jets. It is in my blood. Genetic. My grandpa was a HUGE Jets fan and I had to like them. I may have been tortured into submission if I didn't. He was also a Hofstra alum. (This will make sense in a minute). Anyway, when Stephen proposed, not only did he convert to be a Catholic, but, also to be a Jets fan. (No big deal, The Titans suck and He hadn't been to his Methodist chuch in years).

So anyway, Jets training camp just opened. We have been there twice already. I brought my autograph hat the first day. And my cute Brad Smith jersey (by cute I mean, the jersey and the player...tee hee). I got some fun signatures and chatted up a few players. Then we went to Cherbet's. This is a restaurant owned by Wayne Cherbet (a former Jet and a Hofstra alum, my Grandpa loved him). The manager started chatting with us and offered to take my hat and get Wayne to sign it. So, awesome! My grandpa would have been proud. I handed it over and agreed to pick it up on Saturday.

We went to the the Saturday practice and who was signing autographs.. CHAD PENNINGTON. And I DIDN'T have my autograph hat because Wayne Cherbet had it!!!! Boooooooo.... I was so sad. SO I grabbed my Mom's hat and stood next to Chad. We are on a first name basis now ;) I was pushed, whacked in the head, sweated on, and smushed. But, I did get the autograph for my Mom and I did listen to Chad converse with the fans.

He is nice and really fun. I have heard how INCREDIBLY nice he is. And he is!!!! So in conclusion, Greenbay, I don't want your Brett Farve. I want Chad. Who cares if he can't throw the ball. He is SOOOO sweet!!!

And that my friends, is why all my previous boyfriends didn't involve me in football.

This is me in my custom made, Brad Smith, stalker jersey.

And this is Brad Smith, wearing his own jersey. (#16)

And here is Chad. I was there. Right next to the guy in the green hat and green shirt. I am just short and the guy behind me was shoving my head into the fence. Nice. Seriously, my brother was getting so mad, he wanted to punch the guy.

Monday, July 28, 2008


So I call to get the HSG appointment and they start asking me all sorts of questions. One was, "Do you have asthma?".

Me- "Yes (pause), Very mild though".

Lady on phone asks me a few more questions, then goes, "I don't know if we can do this test if you have asthma?"

Me- "Why? Seriously I use my inhalers a few times year, and mostly only when I get bronchitis. What could the problem be?"

Lady- "Well is has to do with the test prep we do."

Me- ????????????????????????

Lady- "I will have to talk to the doctor and then I will call you back. I have never had a patient who needs this test but has asthma before."

Me-????????????????????????? When can I expect to hear from you? (Yes, with a real bitchy tone)

Lady- "In a few hours."

It has been 5 hours. It is 9:05. I don't think she is calling me back. But ladies. If I am not mistaken this test does not inject me with brochitis germs, ask me to run a mile, or increase the heat to 97 degrees and the humidity to 100%. Right? Because, if not, I am not having an asthma attack. I am talking I have MIIIILLLLD asthma. It is more asthmatic bronchitis than anything.

I could just scream.

Back from the RE

Okay. So it went okay. We talked for LOOONG time about everything. I cried like a jerk.

He wants me to try Clomid at 50 mg. We talked and talked about twins and trips and what not. My chances are higher than most peoples on Clomid. But, he put some perspective on my incompetent house (1 bedroom). Something I kind of have been thinking but, people tell me I am nuts. People do it all the time in small houses. If we have to we put twins in the living room for a while and then when the market swings back, we get a bigger house. We traded stories of sharing a room with 3-4 siblings. Guess what, I am not all messed up from it and neither is he. So if it happens, it happens. I just have to give it up to God and realize that I will handle it.

He also understands why I have such a hard time with believing the small chance of having twins. My Dh is a Clomid twin. So, he says "in your mind it is a hundred percent because you have your own case study". He's right. And in the end. Dh's side also had natural twins and we don't know why he was a twin, Clomid or family history.

I am having the HSG test. Probably early next week. He says "it is time for that test". He doubts that there is anything wrong but, he says that it increases your chances of getting pregnant and there is always a chance that I had one tube blocked. (I got pg once and miscarried). Dh's motility has soared in the last few months with no explanation why. He still has the varicocele but, I guess that is just one less obstacle.

I am very, very upset about taking more aggressive measures. But I guess we have to if we want a baby. He did mention IVF which freaked me out. At first he just said that if I have a crazy response to clomid they may convert the cycle to IVF (since I have the coverage) or just cancel it and re-eval what we are doing. He also said that after 3-4 cycles of clomid he wants to consider IVF. So that was really scary to hear. But I guess I just have to deal with it. And make that choice when we come to it. Anyway.. Thanks for listening and for all the kind words.

Three strikes and she's out!!!

I started to spot yesterday. It is still very light but, there. I am sure it will pick up today. This was my third and probably final unmedicated IUI. We always said we would do 3 and then re-evaluate.

I have a consult appointment with the RE today. I don't know what our decision will be. I guess I just need to hear the doctor out and voice all of my concerns.

1. I am insisting on the hsg and I think he wants to do that too.

2. I don't know if he is going to suggest that DH go back to the urologist to get his varicocele's repaired. His counts have been a little lower but, still fine. But, his motility is going up each time!! It was actually normal last time. So I don't know that I see the point in the surgery. I also don't know why we aren't getting PG if he is doing better. I am scared there is something with me that we missed. Hence, the need for the HSG.

3. I am sure clomid will come up. I guess I should hear him out. I am just so so scared. I have a STRONG family history of fraternal twins and the doctor told me that would up my risk of multiples with Clomid. We only have a one bedroom house and in this market we have NO equity and would lose money if we sold. We bought at the height of the market If we got twins we would make it work. But, I think I would have babies sleeping in my living room. My bedroom is too small for two cribs and I am so scared of that. I just don't want to do anything that encourgages mulitples. But, if we aren't getting PG with one egg, what is to say two or three eggs will all fetilize?

Sigh.... I am very nervous.

I am also going to address my concerns with the IUI timing.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Still no AF.. still BFN

Why? Weird right? I tested Saturday afternoon and Sunday with first morning urine. Both BFN. Still only very slight cramps like AF, but nothing more. My boobs have been sore and swollen since 7DPO. I have no idea what this means.. And TMI alert... It feels like Af is here, like I can feel her, gross. But when I run to the bathroom it is just CM.

My Mom is getting giddy but, I am just getting ready for the big letdown. I have a consult appointment tomorrow afternoon to discuss our next cycle. If I don't have AF by then, I am sure he will test and get me some answers.

Saturday, July 26, 2008


I'm late. I think. AF was due today. No spotting yesterday. All the cramps have left. I am scared shitless to test and I don't know when I will get up the nerve to do it. I got a negative on a digital on Thursday. (12DPO) I have a consult appointment on Monday with the RE. So I need to test before then.

That's all.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

bad attitude, cramps, and bloating OH MY!!

Warning: Angry post.

She is so coming. That dirty whore known as Aunt Flo. I just know it. DH knows it too. He made a "PMS peace offering" of french toast today. I accepted it and growled at him. I cried at Friends today in front of my brother. He thinks I am nuts. Oh yeah.. Aunt Flo is coming, soon. I keep running to the bathroom to check but, she will be here.

I just she would get it over with already. I hate this fucking waiting. Excuse my french.

14 months of my life that I can never get back are gone. Gone to stress, worrying, wanting, wishing and waiting. And I am angry today. Even baking yummy lindser tarts didn't help. Especially when we burnt them.

GRRRRRRRRRRR..... My house is not a happy one right now. Dh is mowing the lawn in the dark because, he worked late, again, and I almost cried because our lawn is so trashy looking right now and he got home too late to mow it. (That was a massive run-on sentence, I know.)He also kind of fears me, right now. (that actually makes me smile a little)

End of rambling angry post.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

What a jewlery-ific day!!

First, I took my e-ring with the bent prong to get fixed. They fixed it up, reshaped the band and polished it all up so pretty.

Then, I took my wedding band to get re-dipped.. WHEEWW I looks nicer than the day I bought it. My bling is sparkling!! Next, I put in my pearls to get restrung since they broke. I have been holding off doing it because, I thought it would cost so much. Yeah, it was 32$. (rolling eyes at myself)

So, then I got inspired by all the people telling me to sell my scrap gold. All I really want to buy is a small, delicate looking white gold and diamond cross. So my goal was to sell the stuff for enough to get a cross.

I took it all up to this shady place. Probably not a good idea. It smelled like maryjane.

This is what I brought in:
1 wg earring with 6-7 small diamonds and really tiny saphirre.
1 wg neclace with 7 small diamonds(this was beautiful but, it was from an ex and I didn't feel right wearing it anymore)
1 baby ring with only 2 small saphirres left in it.
1 gold bracelet
1 gold cross with about 10 really tiny diamonds in it.
1 gold cross1 gold charm4 gold earrings.

All together it weighed about 10 grams, stones included. Most of the gold was about 14K and maybe one thing was 18k.

In the end he is making me an 18K WGcross with my small diamonds and one of the saphirres from my baby ring in the center. He is giving me a thin 14k wg chain...I am giving him everything else. We are calling it even.

We went back and forth about my different options for selling and buying and in the end my head was swimming. I may have caught a contact high. So I hope I didn't get totally hosed. I really hope not. I guess I am getting what I wanted. But I hope that I couldn't have gotton something way better somewhere else. My brother was there and he was using peer pressure to get me to make the deal. LOL

Monday, July 21, 2008

Fake Pregnancy

Did you ever hear of a thing called "canine false pregnancy"? After the dog ovulates (about every 6 months) they enter a period of false pregnancy. It happens after the doggie ovulates and the body produces progesterone. The false pregnancy can last for 3 weeks. During that time the dog may steal stuffed toys and treat them as puppies, create nests, produce milk and even get a swollen tummy. It can be quite severe.

I think I get canine false pregnancy every month. My PMS is so friggin severe that I get every single pregnancy symptoms each month. My boobs are like 2 times their size currently. And just for extra fun they are covered in blue veins. Does this concern me? Not really. I am just fake pregnant again. It happens every month, starting around 7DPO. I also get morning sickness. And headaches. And my belly is swollen.

It ends when I get my period. After the first day of Aunt Flo, I am back to normal. I expect her later this week. I am not sure when due to my whole IUI ovulation debacle this month. It should be Friday or Saturday. Most likely Friday. I do not think I am pregnant.

So, If you are looking for me this week you can find me, nesting in the back of my closet with a stuffed animal. I might chose this cute Teddy Roosevelt bear that Stephen gave me. Hopefully, I don't start producing milk!!!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Dateline: New York, Yankee bride attempts to make Southern dinner for her TN husband.

PART ONE: 2 posts in one day!! Yeah for you :)

Will she succeed. The outlook is grim.

I tried to make Stephen a nice Southern meal as a surprise today.

Fried Chicken (this I am quite good at but, I ran out of apple cider vinegar so I had to use malt vinegar instead... eek I hope that works)

Cheesy Grits. I bought some pre-made ones and Stephen said, "no self-respecting Southerner would ever make premade grits. But, I am a Yankee so he'll deal. When I told my Mother-in-law they were premade there was a gasp and a silent pause on the other end of the phone!! ha ha

biscuits. These were last minute. I just used Bisquick. Hope they are tasty.

and I even made sweet tea. Although I looked an looked for a good one online and I all of them said 3-4 family sized tea bags. I have never in my life heard of them. Go ahead. I know all the southern belles are snickering. "she's never heard of a family sized tea bag". Well no. I buy powdered iced tea. So there.

I will update y'all when he gets home. And I just forgot I had to pick him up at the train tonight. So I better get my butt going.

I hope he doesn't expect red velvet for dessert!!

PART TWO: Stephen's response.

Pardon my typing ladies, I'm hopped up on the sweetest sweet tea north of the mason-dixon line.

Here's my grading of the Yankee bride's attempt at a southern meal. Each part of the meal will be ranked on a 5-star scale with 5 stars being the best.

Sweet Tea (****) - Tricia surprised me with this. She could have also served mint juleps or even RC Cola, but she went to the tried and true southern speciality. 1 part tea and 25 parts sugar. Nothing washes food down on a hot southern day like a glass of this nectar of the hillbilly gods (Dale Earnhardt and the lead singer of Lynyrd Skynyrd). Tricia nailed this, the only thing that kept her from getting the 5th star is that she must have stuck her finger in it, because it was almost too sweet.

Biscuits (***) - Bisquick and milk, shove in oven. This recipe is so simple an idiot could make it (like when I made it for Tricia a few weeks ago for breakfast). These were good, especially with some of the fried chicken in the middle. Had she gone the extra mile and made it from scratch...milled the flour and all...well I'd better stop before I spend the night on the couch.

Cheesy Grits (****) - I have never had cheesy grits before. Let me allow you to catch your breath. I have had plenty of grits before: plain, with salt, with butter, with lots and lots of butter, and with salt and butter. However Tricia also hit this dish out of the park. I like cheesy grits. These were not the best grits I'd ever had, ironically the best grits I've ever had was not at a Waffle House in Tennessee. Nope, they were right here on Long Island in Huntington at a place called Cooke's In (they also serve fried chicken with pancakes - genius).

Fried Chicken (*****) - Tricia usually burns her fried chicken and fills the house with smoke. Ahh, I know when she makes fried chicken because all the windows are open and our house looks like the green room at a Phish concert. Not this time, the chicken was moist, perfect. To hear that she also ran out of an ingredient is equally impressive. Getting fried chicken right is a science and I am lucky enough to marry someone who got it right!

Enough typing, I am going to sit on the couch and be fat.


I had the second IUI today. It is a little weird. If you remember Stephen has crazy good counts but poor motility and poor morphology. The last two months his counts were like 121 million, I think ( I hope I have been reading it correctly, they explained it to me better today.) Yesterday, they were 63 million and today they were 23 million. So that is weird. But what is really weird is that his PREWASH motility was 70%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY COW!!!! I have no idea what happened. I have never looked at the prewash motility section before. I have to ask the doctor when I see him on the 28th. Maybe it has been better all along. He was taking these cool fertility vitamins but, he stopped taking them a month ago. So I wonder if they really had an effect and it is still lasting. I think he is going on them again, today!

I dreamt of my grandpa last night. I haven't dreamt of him since he died in October. (I found out I was pregnant the day before my Grandpa died. I went to his house and said I didn't feel good. Grandma said, "maybe you are pregnant?". I brushed it off because I only had one faint line and hadn't told anyone. As I was leaving Grandpa waved and I touched his hand. He pulled me in and grunted and made me kiss him. He died in his sleep that night. I miscarried a little over a week later.) My Grandpa had demtia and was a shell of himself when he died. In the last few weeks he was unable to talk at all. Even though he was sick, it was still kind of sudden. We really thought he had a good year or two left.

So, anyway, he was all his old self in dream. My Grandma was sickly and didn't want to go to church. He was dressed all nice and yelling at her to get up and go. He kept looking at me and winking and rolling his eyes. He ALWAYS used to wink like that!

I am just going to take it a sign that my Grandpa is watching over me, nothing more. But it was really nice to dream of him.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


Last night around 4pm to about 9pm, I had major O pains. I know I o'ed last night. So, I had the IUI this morning around 10am. I hope the little eggie held on that long. The doctor told us to have intercourse tomorrow and I aksed about the back to back IUI. She said she have a problem with it. So, we are going back tomorrow at 7am. I am taking a half day. Kind of stinks because I don't get paid sick days for summer school but, whatever. It will be worth it if it works. I don't have much faith in it working though. Please, Keep us in your thoughts!

Edited to say: I got more braces bunch mail yesterday!! I love it. Thanks Sandra. Now I really need to sit down and write out some cards!!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

They wouldn't do my IUI today!!!

I am seeing red, for real. I am so angry. They refused to the IUI today, Saturday. They won't do it until Sunday, with a possible second on one Monday. They said that the surge on Friday would mean that I come in on Sunday because, they time from the first AM surge, which would have been today.

I feel that if I was to do back to back it should have been today and tomorrow. Monday will be too late and pointless. I know the surge doesn't mean I ovulated right then but, since I surged Friday afternoon, I could ovulate Saturday afternoon and the egg will be a little old on Sunday, and Monday it will be way past it's prime.

This was my last natural cycle and I wanted to try everything possible before we moved onto more tests and fertility drugs. I kind of want to have sex today, even though his swimmers don't work that well on their own, just to cover all bases but, he is supposed to abstain. I just don't understand why, since I am paying a lot of money for this, I can't just do the IUI today? Would it kill anyone to just do what I wanted???

Generally I like the practice and I think a lot of my stress has to come from my fear of using more aggressive means. I don't see the point of me using clomid if it is MF and my cycles are fine. I just think they want to give him more targets. But we have a very strong family history of multiples and the doctor said that my risk of multiples using clomid is then higher. We only have a one bedroom house until the housing market swings back up and I just don't know how we could handle twins or trips. If we got them naturally that's great, but, I just don't want to do anything to encourage that, you know. So, since this was my last natural cycle, I think they could have just done the IUI the way I wanted today and the repeated it Sunday, the day they wanted.

I have great IF benefits but, only if I go to a "center of excellence". If not I have to pay 20%. So I really can't switch doctors and I don't know if I want to switch anyway. Besides this stupid rationale on IUI timing based on OPK's, I have been happy. I just wish they would trust my body a little, or just appease me this month.

Friday, July 11, 2008

I knew I should trusted my gut...

So, I wake up this morning and POAS to see a negative OPK. I called the doctor and spoke to the nurse and she concurred that my bloodwork did not show a surge and that I wasn't ready to Ovulate. I pointed out that I had a mature follice and my body symptoms are telling me that the big O is near. She says, "no". Keep using the OPK's and call us when you get a positive. She said I could do to back to back IUI's if I want but, since I didn't get the positive this morning that she expects I will be in for an IUI on Sunday or Monday. Call them if I get do not get a positive by Monday.

I hung up frustrated. I just know that they are wrong. So, I poas this afternoon around 4pm. Guess what???? A positive OPK!!!!!! GRRR, I am so angry. So I called the office and they are closed for the day. I want the IUI tomorrow. I am so sick of this testing in the AM with first morning urine when everyone knows that LH surge happens in the afternoon. I am convinced that I am catching the tail end of the surge each month by testing in the morning. Then, I get the IUI the next day and I think it is not good timing.

So, now I need to call them at 7:30 am and BEG AND PLEAD for them to do and IUI even though I didn't have one scheduled. I swear I am going to freak out if they don't it. AND I want them to do a second IUI on Sunday. I might have to pull out the bitchyness!!! I just don't understand why they didn't listen to me. I have been doing this is MY BODY for 14 months. I knew the surge was happening today!!!!!!!!! I could just cry. What if they can't do the IUI tomorrow morning?

Thursday, July 10, 2008

OOOhh My follie is about to burst!!!

So ,I have one follie on the right side that is 17mm. Nice. It is just about ripe!!

I expected to get a positive OPK today just based on the bloat and the watery Cm.. sorry tmi.. but, I didn't and the bloodwork didn't show a surge either. So maybe tomorrow?

The nurse did say I could schedule the IUI tomorrow, based on my symptoms, and ignore the LH surge bussiness. But, I don't trust my body and my symptoms so, I am waiting for the smiley face on the opk's.

My Mom thinks that the LH surge monitoring hasn't worked (as in, I haven't become pregnant, because, I totally get a postive opk and a postive surge in my blood.) for the past two months and that I should have scheduled the IUI for tomorrow. But, I ignored her. If my office would do back to back I would do that. They don't. So hopefully I surge tomorrow and have the IUI on Saturday.

Do you think I made the right choice?

Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Not much to report. I am waiting to ovulate. I will start using OPK's tomorrow and I have a sono and bloodwork on Thursday.

I am fat as a house and it is only getting worse. Soon I will be able to pretend I am pregnant. Fun. However, I not motivated to do anything about it, yet. I just don't feel like dieting. It is too stressful and I have enough stress. So, a bunch of people from high school might be going to the beach on Sunday. Any ideas how to hide the blub?

Camping was nice. My sister and I got into a fight and she called me an infertile bitch. Well actually, not a bitch, much worse but, I won't type that word. And I apologized to her. That's right. I apologized for telling her to keep her voice down and stop clicking her car alarm at midnight. Because, that is the worse offense. (read: sarcasm) But, that is life when you have a bipolar sister. You walk on eggshells and let her say awful things to you to keep the peace. But, besides that, we had a nice time. We hiked so much I nearly passed out standing up. We went on AWESOME wooden roller coasters and saw some fab fireworks. Life in the wilderness was good. However, I am glad to be back in my A.C. in a populated area. Small town life is not for me. I did it for 6 years and I just like Long Island too much. If it was only not so damn expensive!!!

Summer school started yesterday. It sucks. It is hot and I hate scheduling my caseload. I was able to get my boss to give me another speech therapist for 3 days because, I just couldn't schedule everyone into a slot unless we held school on weekends. But, I think I am done with the bulk of the paperwork and I will start seeing students tomorrow. I can finish the rest of the paperwork in between. That makes me happy.

So anyway, that's it. Not too exciting, right?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Going Camping!

Well tomorrow starts summer school! Yuck. That's right kiddos, teachers hate it as much as students.

But, right after school ends we are heading south to PA to go camping!!! My dh and I, my two brothers, my parents and my sister and her boyfriend are all going! I have travel anxiety issues so I started packing on Monday and just finished up today. Now I am just anxious because Stephen hasn't packed yet.

So, I am off to hike, geocache, ride old wodden roller coasters at Knoebels, eat smores and be afraid of bears. I am such a city girl that I bought a bear bell to wear around my wrist, just in case. The weekend we got engaged we were at a bear infested camp ground and I could hear them outside our tent. I cried all night. So, in order to keep Stephen from pummeling me, I have a bear bell. LMAO!

So have a great 4th of July everyone!! Talk to you Monday!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

3 years of wedded bliss!

Today is our anniversary. 3 years ago today I married the love of my life and I couldn't be happier! I love you so much Stephen. Thank you for making me so happy and putting up with all my crap!

(and that's not just because I get to stuff my face with fondue tonight!)

I haven't given Stephen my gift yet, because as he says, "I was unprepared for our anniversary!" LOL. Sorry dude. I will get my shit together tonight. I was very busy packing for our camping trip and my crazy travel anxiety got the best of me.

But.... Stephen gave me presents. Even though we agreed on only one thing.. he went overboard. grrr... He gave me the complete first season of "The Tudors". YIPPEE!! He gave me the first two installments of the newest series of my favorite trashy Amish novels! I love Beverly Lewis! And a beautiful little summer dress. I love that he was walking around Soho by himself trying to find me a dress. He said he was very stressed. For those that don't know, Soho is a very trendy celebrity heavy shopping area in NYC. It's right next to the village. It happens that Stephen works there. I just love the image of him walking into trendy little stores to try and find me something. I loves him.