The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.

I would die for that.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hey there!

I haven't posted in a while. I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and all.

We had a very nice Christmas and went on a BIG family ski trip to Vermont this past week. The weather did not cooperate and we had 65 degrees and rain. Not the best for skiing. My Mom's cousin is a ski instructor and he did convince me to get on the slopes for one day. I only did two runs however. The slopes were lumpy and REALLY icy from the rain. There were only a few trails open, since everything was on rapid melt and that meant major crowding on the slopes that were open. I just didn't feel safe. And since we had been to that mountain last year, I was a little frustrated since I knew I could handle the trails we were on. But, my nerves got the best of me and I was skiing like a beginner. I decided that it wasn't a safe situation.

I think that was all for the best.

Anyway, not much to report on the baby front. I still haven't decided if the taps and bumps I was/am feeling are the baby or gas??? I feel kind of silly about that. But, I saw the midwife today and she assured me I should be feeling something more definitive in the next few weeks.

DH got some not so good news today. He has been dealing with very high Cholesterol and triglycerides for a few years. But, when we started dealing with Male Factor fertility issues.. he went off the meds for a while. I truly believe this helped. His counts and stuff got much better. But..... His cholesterol did not. He was treating it naturally. He went to get his blood drawn... and we got quite a talking to from the doctor.

So, he is starting a very strict diet, two different medications, some exercises, and we are going to a nutritionist/ chiropractor/ crazy hippie tomorrow for some advice. I am so much more worried about it now that we have a baby on the way, as is he. So, that actually helps because, he is more motivated this time around to really change his junk food lifestyle.

Here is a 17 week picture. I really need to take an 18 week one tonight!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Quickening... Or gas?

So, the past few days I am feeling something on the left side, slightly below the belly button (or what's left of it). That is right were the midwife heard the heartbeat recently. I am not sure if it is the baby... or gas. I really hope I am not confusing my child with a fart. I am quite sure that would be bad parenting.

It kind of feels like.. well.. a twitch (like when your eye twitches). I notice it when I am laying down. But, last night, It was more like a tickly flutter, when I was standing up. It was when I was talking to Stephen on the phone. So that was cute.

SO my question is...... What does quickening feel like? When did you feel it? Is it too soon for me?
I also called my midwife last night. I was all upset. I had convinced myself that I had a UTI. But, she thinks I am wrong. Of course, we are going to keep and eye on it.. but, she thinks I am experiencing round ligament pain. I thought I was too early.. but honestly my bump is so huge.. I guess not. She says, It's associate with "overdoing" it. And let me tell you folks... it has been one hell of a week. So I guess it is safe to say that I may have overdone it. Her prescription.. Make Stephen take good care of me and slow down a little.

I am up about 6-7 pounds at 15 weeks. I am clearly pregnant and my students have started stopping in their tracks and shouting, "Mrs. F., you got a belly! You pregnant or something?". Clearly I have a lot of work to do on their grammar. Here is a 14 week, 6 day belly shot.

Okay well, that's all I can type right now. My doggie is currently unwrapping presents under the tree and I must stop her. She is so bad lately. I wonder if she "knows"?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Let's talk boobs.

I love my boobs. I would even go as far as to say that my boobs are my best asset. It wasn't always that way. I was a late bloomer and still wore a training bra in 9th grade. However, in college they grew and grew. I wound up with quite a nice set of girls. 34 C/D, great cleavage, nice symmetry......

Yeah... My favorite thing to do when I was single... ahh well, lets be honest.. even up until this summer was to dress up all pretty and put the girls on display. Not obscenely but, you know, just enough to catch peoples eyes.. especially my husbands.. In fact the night we met, he stared at them all night. wink wink... My boobs caught me a husband! He even has a picture of my laying out at the beach with a cute bikini on.. Not of my face.. just my boobs. It is in cell phone. That's right.

I guess I just never expected to have them destroyed, really destroyed by 14 weeks!! They are ginormous, veiny, saggy and COVERED in stretch marks!! sniff sniff. I fear that they will never be the same.

I was fully prepared to deal with the belly stretch marks... but, the girls.. come on..... This is what I will hang over my child's head.. Not the long labor... the boobs being ruined.


My boobs!

P.S. Isn't this picture funny... It was take a few years ago on New Year's Eve. When I was searching for a great picture of my boobs for this post and I came across this one!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

2 questions...

1st one is for the all the computer savy peeps. Every time I click on something, whether it be a link from a google search or a "favorite" link, a different page shows up. Some kind of shopping thing. Then I click back and try again and it works. I have pretty good protection program on my computer. What the "f" is going on? Anyone know?

2nd is a call for help.

I like the crib and dresser set from Walmart and it seems a little smaller than most.. Good for me. Since we have only one bedroom the space is more than a little tight. But the only place I can find it is on and the dimensions for the whole set are clearly wrong. It lists the height at about 6 inches. So I have no idea if the width and length are correct.

Does anyone have the BassettBaby Cape Cod 4 in 1 convertable set? If you do I am asking for a huge favor! Can you measure it for me? I really need to know and the Walmart site doesn't have a phone number anywhere! hmph. It is also not available in stores!

Thanks people. I'm feeling a little needy tonight I guess.

Friday, November 28, 2008

ahhhh I love the holidays!!!!

We decorated for Christmas today.. At least on the inside. We left the lights for another day..
I have to show off my FAVORITE part of the holidays! My Department 56 Christmas Village!!!

Eeekkk I love it. We have the Dicken's village series. I really want to add Scrooge and Marley's Office.. but, we'll see. ($$$)

So without further ado....

This was the first time I tried to have water/ice.

What do you think?
Just for fun. Here is a 13 week, 2 day belly shot.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Can we all breathe a collective sigh of relief????

I am in my second trimester!! That's right people. We made it.

I am so happy, relieved, blessed etc.

I have a lot to be Thankful for this Thanksgiving. As I am feeding my baby* some pumpkin pie, I will be sure to take a minute to breathe it all in.

*I call it feeding my baby whenever I eat. Come on, it sounds much better to say, "feeding my baby" than to say, "stuffin my face" or "piggin out". I will be feeding my baby half of the dessert table on Thursday.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Ohhhhh Naaannnccyyy!!

Ummmm...... That was some "pummellin' " that my Jets took today!! Sorry, but, I need to gloat!!!! The Jets rock this year!!!

J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets.

I'm so glad my husband is a traitor to his home city of Nashville and joined Gang Green when we married. It was very fun calling all his family and having my entire family taunt them with the Jets cheer.

Too bad for your perfect season Titans.*

*Has anyone noticed how NY football teams have a way of wrecking perfect seasons for other teams?

P.S. All in good fun, Nancy. Just teasing.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Amazing IF news...

(2 post in one day!! What a treat!)

I work with someone who happened to go to the same RE as me. She has been doing IVF for two years. She has four kids but, remarried, after she had her tubes tied, and wanted a child with new hubby.

I know how hard it has been on her to see my pregnant. She is being a doll about it. But, I know. It stings. She did her 7th cycle this month and had only 1 egg of 20something survive to the 3-day transfer. The outlook was glum. The rating on that one wasn't even too high.

She tested on Wednesday and it was negative. She didn't tell me. But, I knew and then her friend told me. So she has been so so upset. She went in today for the Beta, knowing she wasn't pregnant.

And then .......

the doctor called and she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried when she told me. She is in total shock and doesn't believe it. She goes Monday for a repeat Beta. She was in such shock she never asked for the number. But, I have a good feeling about it!!!!!!!!!!! I told her that if it was lower they would have told her it was low and not to get too excited.

Eeeeekkkk.. I am so freaking happy for her. So if anyone can spare some prayers... Please pray for my friend!!

Belly Button Fears.

What is your biggest pregnancy fear? Probably something rationale like, episotomy and birth.
Mine... My belly button turning inside out.
It totally freaks me out.
Last night. Stephen and I were looking at my belly and we noticed that we could see the back of my belly button without stretching my skin out (okay, so I am weird about my belly button and I have stretched it all out to see what the back of it looked like, in the past).
What does this all mean? It means, my belly button is getting more shallow as my stomach stretches. I am sure the gigantic amount of food from "Five Guys" (mmmmmm.... If you have one near you.. please go there and experience their goodness) that I consumed last night has something to do with my belly looking SO HUGE!
So Stephen taunted me all night and was asking if it was going to a "boing" noise when it pops out. Oh MY GOD! I would faint. Thank god our bodies don't make cartoon noises!

But, what does happen? For those BTDT pregnant ladies... Does it pop out suddenly? Is is a little by little thing? Please enlighten me!

OH yeah. I forgot to post my 12 week pics. I "think" the belly is changing from all over bloating fat to more of a centralized bump. It is also SOOO much bigger at night than in the morning. These pics were in the afternoon, before dinner.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

1st place Baby!!!

Whoo hoooo!! J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!

So excited that we beat those stinking Patriots! Although, honestly guys, you almost blew that. And overtime on a school night... NOT COOL! I could barely focus the next day I was so tired.

But, all in all, it was an amazing game. I nearly had a heart attack and couldn't get to sleep becuase my heart was racing. Amazing game!

Bring on the Titans!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Nothing new on the homefront...

Daisy's rear seems to be healing nicely. She is an escape artist and somehow unbuckled her cone head thing. We have a follow up with the vet today so hopefully everything is healing up. I hate having her in a cone.

We painted my parent's bedroom with them all weekend and I am sooooo freaking sore! Every muscle hurts.

Other than that.. all is quiet.. which is a good thing. Tomorrow is Vet's day and I have off!! Yipee.. I might bake some more. I baked so much this weekend, human cookies and doggie cookies (I was feeling guilty about Daisy's Rear End issues).

Hope everyone has a great week!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

This is for you, Jendeis

This post is for Jendeis, in hopes that it will bring a small smile to her face, even if for a brief second! XXXXXXXX

"There is a light at the end of the tunnel."

This actually looks just like my Doggie (Daisy Mae) who incidentally just had emergency surgery on Friday night because, she has a hole next to her butt. It's a Gross and Long Story that I won't go into. But now she has a pink cone on her head and is very mopey. (and my wallet is very empty due to the surgery)..... So Jendeis.. She probably could do the very "trick" in the picture since she has a hole on her butt (I mean, in addition to her the normal hole on her butt. Yuck)

Rest up and take care of you. It will get better. I know that it is hard to believe right now. But, it will.

Friday, November 7, 2008


Okay. All that worry over nothing. Check out my baby!! You can see his/her long legs and if you look right by the legs.. that was his* hand waving at me.

He was dancing around and waving and kicking. He even looked like he got the hiccups. I don't know if he can suck his thumb yet.. but, it looked like he did at the end.

Thanks for all the encourgement and prayers. I guess it was just too early to use the doppler.

*I am calling baby "he/him". That is just he feeling I get and I hate calling him "it".

Unable to hear a heartbeat this morning.....

I had my first midwife appointment today and she was unable to hear a heartbeat with Doppler.

I have an appointment for a sonogram at 4 to make sure I am not miscarrying again.

Please pray for us. I can't go through that again. I just can't.

The Verdict....

I am leaning towards.. I don't know what the heck that was on Wednesday.

Although there was no actually puking on Thursday.. I chalk that up to... eating alllll day long. I literally was chewing or sipping something every minute until after lunch. If I stopped for 5 minutes... I got nauseous. I got home and tried to make din-din but, there was no sauce and Dh was working late. So, I dragged myself to the grocery store... Officially an evil place.. Why is there so much food and smells there??? God. I was sweating by the time I got to the checkout. I was just breathing hard to not puke. But, I made it. And with that... DH is on grocery store duty for a while. So maybe Wednesday's puking rally was morning sickness?

I meet with my midwife for the first time today. (well really the second. I met her last year before I miscarried) Dh was supposed to go.. but, he just bailed. This morning. Yeah, not speaking to him so much. He supposedly has too much going on at work to be late.

I should cut him some slack but, between him being a big hot slug in bed next to me and the dog being wide awake all night.. I got about 3 hours of sleep. So I'm pretty freaking cranky.

I swear I will have a non-complainy post this weekend. I just can't muster up enough strength to be chipper today. It's been a rough week. But, I plan to supervise DH while he does some fall yardwork tomorrow. (tee hee) That should be nice.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Just call me.....

Vomit machine.

I went from no morning sickness at all to... puking 4 times in one hour yesterday. I guess I looked pretty bad. Everytime I stood up I had someone standing next to me because, all the color left my face. My assistant prinicpal wanted to drive me home! But, I assured him that I only live a few blocks away and I would be fine. In reality I barely made it home without getting sick in my car.

Now the question is... Was this morning sickness or a stomach virus? One of my students has been puking in school for 2 or 3 days now. (you know, because why would Mom keep him home?) I was REEEEAAALLLY sick yesterday. I had cramping like I was getting the "runs" but, never did. I just kept puking. So does that sound like Morning sickness? If it does... I am so screwed. I literally couldn't function. I still have mild tummy cramps and my tummy feels weak. But, I am planning to go to work and just keep myself full all day. UGH.

And yes, I am complaining... I don't care. I don't deal with puking well and I am considering grounding my unborn child.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Happy Birthday to me!

Yuppers... I am 29 today. The last birthday in my 20's.. fainting right now....

Dh is throwing me a great surprise party that I know about. I was being a little evil and snooped and found out. But, thank God! He was going to serve one pot of chilli to about 17 people. And he didn't think it was necessary to fix the bathroom ceiling that was torn out from our roof leak. So now I have him all on track and we are set to enjoy my birthday!!

Dh got me some nice maternity cords and a really pretty dress that is way too big right now but will be so pretty to wear later.. like maybe Christmas or something. So far, it is shaping up to be a super sweet day!

UPDATE: Birthday is almost over. I am vegging on the internet now. The party was fabulous. We had such a good time. My friends and I broke out old high school pics and had a good laugh. My mom and my aunt got me some beautiful maternity clothes. I have to return one jacket that is size too big. My arms are swimming in it. But, everything was so nice! What a nice relaxing day!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Our little gummy bear!

Here he/she is..

It looks like I swallowed a gummy bear!!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Camera fixed.. Belly pics as promised!!

Yeah!! I got my camera back from Best Buy!!
Here are the pics!!
The first ones are from 4 weeks, 5 days.

The next few are from today (8 weeks, 4 days)
Don't mind the nasty rolled down maternity jeans!
Now if I could only figure out how to get the ultrasound photos scanned in!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Still sick...

Oh god. I feel like I need another nebulizer treatment. I had one on Monday. I feel so so bad. I went to work yesterday and I was miserable but, I made it. Well, today.... I practically got pushed out the door and I was home in bed by 11AM. I feel soo bad. I was coughing so bad that I actually made myself throw up twice.

I just hate that I can't take anything!! I don't even care that I am complaining because I am just so godamned sick. The robitussin doesn't do anything for me and the antibiotics aren't helping. I am so scared that I am getting bronchitis or pnemonia. I woke up at 4:30AM and coughed until the alarm went off at 7AM.

I called both the RE and the regular doctor and they are both closed. I am considering calling the emergency number and asking what to do.

Oh yeah.. Nancy, I would NEVER delete your posts!! Puh-lease, you are awesome!! It's okay to vent a little. No biggie. We all worry.

Alicia, Yeah I have a bump. I can't close any of my pants and I am not a fan of the bella band. I got one pair of maternity jeans and I might just live in them for a while. I honestly think the progesterone is making me bloated. But, it's all good!


So, I called the doctor. They basically told me there is nothing I can do right now. They told me to keep taking the antibiotics but, that is probably viral. They did switch my inhaler so I need to send DH for a new one... scratch that.. Dh is working late..even though I cried on the phone to him. Jerk. I have a fever now.
Seriously I might take pictures of myself or videotape coughing in bed and show it to DC one day when they are hating on me.. "See what I went through for you!". What I wouldn't do for some real cold medicine.

Off to hang my head over a pot of boiling water to breathe in the steam.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

7 week, 6 day appointment

We had another U/S today. It was awesome. We got to see a head, two arm buds and two leg buds. The heartbeat is 167. I am so excited!!!

However, I was wrong about one thing. This was not our graduation appointment. That is next week. But, can I tell you a secret? I am really kind of excited about that because, I am a little addicted to ultrasounds and I am thrilled that I will get to sneak in one more before I become just a regular patient. Then, my ultrasounds will be few and far between. So, I am totally enjoying getting a little peek at my baby every single week.

I called the midwife today and I left a message so I can make an appointment to see her the week after next. I can't believe this is all working out!!

Thank you God!!!

P.S. I would love to post the U/S pics.. but, I don't have a scanner. My Dad has this big, fancy one but, I don't think it is hooked up correctly because, it won't scan onto the computer. So for now.. no pics. And I have no belly pics because, Best Buy is holding my camera hostage while it gets fixed.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Sorry I haven't been updating...

I have been sick and in classes or conferences all weekend. Today, I stayed home because I felt like death. I made an appointment with my doctor and apparently I have an upper respiratory infection that has flared up my asthma. I had to have a nebulizer treatment in the office and I think I have a fever right now. I am on antibiotics and I took to Tylenol.

So, I am in bed, sick. I am coughing loud up to wake the whole neighborhood and my throat is soo sore. The PA took one look in my mouth and thought it was strep throat. But, the rapid test was negative. I did get a talking to about keeping up with my inhalers because, I could be depriving the baby of O2.

Funny thing.. I did find out that the PA also went to the same RE as me. How do you like that? :) We had a little bonding over that.

Tomorrow morning might be my graduation appointment at the RE. I will do everything I can to get there.. work however, we'll see. I hate to use these precious sick days that I have saved up for maternity leave. I know that each time I see the midwife I will have to use 1/2 a day since she doesn't have evening hours. So, I am really trying to rest up so I can make it into work.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


My mother in law just sent us this big ass tub of popcorn and other sinful goodies from the Popcorn Factory. I may call in sick to work tomorrow so I can eat popcorn all day.

God this is heaven. I just downed a whole bag of white chedder popcorn that I am quite sure was meant for more than one person. But, hot damn.. It was good.

That's all.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I got to hear the HEARTBEAT TODAY!!!!

Omg.. I was the most amazing thing. I didn't know you could hear it before 9 weeks ( I always thought they dopplered you on the outside)

But, they have a doppler on the internal sonogram and as we were looking at our little baby (that's right.. as of today I am calling it a baby.. I never referred to it as anything before today) they switched on the doppler.

I haven't been too affected by seeing the sonograms.. but, that noise.. Omg it floored me.

The progression of the little one from 6 weeks to 7 weeks is just amazing. Last week it was a little smudge and this week you could see the yolk sac separate from the baby and you could even see the little heart on the printout!!

I am in heaven... And the other good news was a total surprise! I come home and open my mail and I have a 500$ middle class property tax rebate to deposit. I didn't even know it was coming.

I was going to hold off getting a bella band until tommorow, payday... but, the presidential debate is just miles from my house and they are shutting down all the roads.. of course, the ones that lead to the mall.. So, I am heading to the mall todayto buy a bella band with my tax rebate!!! Wow!! I feel so good today!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I have such an emotional hangover..

We brought my brother and his dog to the airport in Philly (long story about why he didn't leave from NY).

It was incredibly emotional and sad... right up until my parents tried to withdraw money from their account to find that over the past few weeks, he drained their account... Then the anger and sadness came on full force.

I don't understand addiction. I just don't. But, I understand what it does to the family. He did call crying from within in the terminal and fessed up that he never did get clean in the past few weeks and had been stealing.. Yeah, for honesty when you are in an airport terminal and won't see your family for weeks. Good for you. (He has to come home for one final court date in November)

But, when he got to Tx, my other brother picked him up and they have spent every waking moment together. My Other brother thinks he sees a huge difference and that he really wants to get better... I have my doubts. He hasn't been burned by him though, since he lives in TX, not NY... So maybe some optimism is good for him. They went to church together.. We can't get him to church... So that was good.

I just pray that he can make it work and get himself a new life. He has a job interview tomorrow. I pray that he gets it because I don't know how he will react if he doesn't get a job in his field. He tells me he will just get a job anywhere for the time being. But, I don't know how much of a blow it will be if he doesn't get this job.

A funny thing happened today though. Matt called me to tell me that the "amazing" house that my brother bought in Tx... is such a mess and a dirty bachelor pad. Ha ha.. He made it seem like he had bought a palace!! He has big plans to fix it up for him. So, since my brother is a project sort of guy.. that could keep him really occupied for a while.

The dog is getting along well with my brother's other 2 dogs... 3 dogs.... yikes.. it must be so crazy.

So that's all on the brother front. Just keep praying..

One the baby front.. No news really.. Tons of cramping since I started the progesterone. It is kind of like the first couple of days after the BFP. I got a little queasy in church today but, nothing I can't handle..

And this progesterone makes me so bloated that you can totally tell I am pregnant. People are looking at my belly a little and my family is teasing me. I feel like such a fat ass to be showing at 6 1/2 weeks!! At this rate I will be in maternity clothes in no time. I had to walk around Philly with my pants unbuttoned all day. I think I will get a bella band come pay day. I was squeezing into my size 6's as it was and now I have very little hope of them fitting any loner.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

baby maker website..

Dh sent me this link..

It is cute. You upload a picture of you and one of DH. It makes your baby..

I could live with this one. ;) It's kind of cute. The funny thing is... the website totally got dh's smile down. It's a little spooky.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Emotional Roller Coaster Day... some scary news.

We went today at 5weeks 6 days to the RE for our first sono. And we saw heart beat!! I was so excited. I was so excited that I let the cat out the bag to a few people at work today. That turned into the mighty rumor mill and by the end of the day so many people know. So I have been running damage control all day.

Then I get a phone call from the RE. My progesterone on the first beta was 24. The second beta was 21. That wasn't considered a fall. Just a fluctuation. But, today it fell to 15.

So I have to start suppositories tonight.

The logical side of me heard what they said, " Over 10 is still normal. The doctor was debating even giving you supplements at all but, since you m/c'ed in the past she decided to give them to you as a precaution".

The emotional, scared side heard, "You are miscarrying. Expect this heart to stop beating any day now".

Why would it drop at this point? I thought if your progersterone was low it was always low? Does anyone have experience with it dropping after the heart beat was seen and supplements saving the pregnancy? I am sooo frightened. I can't even curl up and feel sad. I have parent teacher night at my school in a few hours.

Also this update. My brother is moving to Tx on Saturday in order to get his life in order. This was an option that we presented to him but, he shot it down right away. After he had the drug dealer arrested that was threatening him he, on his own, started to take stock of the situation and how the influences in NY were just continually sucking him back into drugs. He came to us and told us he was moving. My Dad was not for it at all but, he insisted this is what he needs to for himself in order to quit.
Nancy, I hope this is what you told me would happen. He is finally doing it for himself. He quit his union job and has an inteview down there next week. He will be living with our brother and I hope and pray that this is what he needs. But, I am so so scared for him. He won't have us around him to protect him. Not that our influences have been helpful at all. Please everyone keep him in your prayers. I can't help feeling like is his last chance at saving his own life.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The only major pregnancy symptom I have....

I am an evil bitch. Even more so after about 7pm. Stephen tried to snuggle with me last night and I had to jump up on top of him and give him an angry display of how it felt to have someone breathe all over you. That was nice of me, no? I was just trying to be helpful. Don't you think that was nice.. Ha Ha.. Poor Stephen.

Last night when we were sleeping I almost threw him out of bed because his elbow touched me. Now to be fair, I am not a sleep snuggler. Never have been. We snuggle before we turn off the lights and then no touching for the rest of the night. I just don't like someone's hot body touching me. But now... yeah... It is grounds for nuclear war.

I think I am getting the tired stuff coming on and that is why I am so cranky. I am not sleeping well and peeing in the middle of the night is not so fun for someone who had irrational fears of the dark!! LOL Oh and the sense of smell thing is hysterical. I think I have a second career as a drug sniffing dog or something. Although it did prevent me from finishing my pizza last night becuase the smell was too strong.

Not complaining too much.. because, it doesn't affect me if I'm a little evil and at this point, Stephen might feel differently.. I say.. bring on the symptoms. I want to feel them all. I have waited too long for this!!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I called the doctor.

Okay I was worried all day so I took everyone's advice and called the doctor. He told me that 24 to 21 is not a drop. He was really understanding that I am so scared since today is my m/c date from last year. He said the numbers look great and that progesterone fluctuates throughout the day sometimes as much as 5-7 points.
I feel so much better. I needed that reassurance. He told me that I am being very much monitored and just made me feel so much calmer.
I am little sad since he will be raising money for the March of Dimes next Tuesday and will not be there for my first sono. But, he did tell me in advance not to expect to see a heartbeat yet. He said that would come in about 2 weeks from today. I am REALLY glad he said that because that would have been my next freak out.
So anyway.. thanks for all the support through my little freak out.. all is well.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Okay.. Here's the second Beta...

And Here's why I am freaking out a little

Beta #1- 619
Beta #2- Somewhere between 1100 and 1200. That's not doubling. I don't remember the exact number because I got so upset. But doubling is like 1230. I know it's close.. but remember that tomorrow is the day I miscarried last year.. and I am a little freaked out..

But the real freak me out numbers were the progesterone..
Prog #1- 24
Prog#2- 21

I have been searching Dr. Google all day and I can't find anything that says for sure if Progesterone can fluctuate in early pregnancy. In my mind.. the number went down. This is it. It's over.

The nurse said both numbers looked great and that I shouldn't worry. As long as the progesterone is over 10-15, I'm cool. If not I get supplements. So, I know she said that.. But, I don't believe her. Why would it go down. She was like, "don't worry if it gets around 15 we will give you progesterone". Fine. But my next appointment isn't for a week. (next tuesday is our first sono)

Ahhhh.... I am losing it. I have been weepy all afternoon.

Edited: I thought the better of posting the second part of this and took it off. ;)

Update: I put a call into the RE and asked them to have the doctor call me back. I need to hear form him that all is okay and that waiting a full week to do more bloodwork is fine.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Beta number 1!!!!!

So, honestly, I was so nervous I forgot the number. It was either 650 or 690..ish.. But in the upper 600's.

Progesterone was 24!!!!!

Last time the day I started to miscarry the beta was 500 at 5 1/2 weeks. So this is already way ahead. I did a due date calender this morning.. it looks like June 3rd! Gosh, that seems so far away! It is also on 3 days from my last due date. Please tell me there will be a time when I will stop comparing this one with the last one?

We go Monday for a repeat beta!! I am starting to feel excited. eeeek... girls....I'm pregnant!

Friday, September 26, 2008


I just went onto Lost and Found.. and it said my name under pregnancy announcements! I double blinked.. really. Is that what the two lines mean? I haven't really been able to say that word yet, pregnant. Forgive me, the rest of this is just rambling.

Our first beta is tomorrow. I can't wait to see the actual number. I feel good about this pregnancy. It feels VERY different than the last one. And I guess I want it to. Last time I had sharp, stabbing pains from the first day. And I didn't make it to 6 weeks. This time, dull AF like cramps. Not strong and not often. I am thirsty and my boobs hurt. That's it. That is just fine with me right now.

I walked by a maternity store today and I looked away really fast. I passed the IKEA baby room section and I did let myself linger for a second. Just a second. I have to protect my heart. But each passing second is making that harder and harder. I also almost poured myself a glass of wine before I remembered.. no wine. That was weird. It kind of just stopped me for a minute.

I guess I want to take a moment to acknowledge all the people who have read this blog and given me support when they don't even know me. I can't tell you what that has meant to me. I have very few people in my life who I can talk to about how I really feel or who just understand what infertility does to you. THANK YOU for being that for me. I really appreciate it.

next update: the beta numbers.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Does anyone want to interpret this?

Holy Crap.. I am so scared! I need this to end well. This almost exactly a year to the day from when I concieved and miscarried last year. Please God.. let this be true.

I will say that last time the line was a ghost and this time it came up INSTANTLY and is darker than the control line. Stephen and I are shaking and crying.

I'm baccck.

oh oh oh oh oh... oh oh oh oh ... the right stuff.

The concert was unbelievable!!!! I have NEVER had so much fun at a concert in my life. Never Ever!! They sounded so good. It was like a giant sing along. My throat hurts from screaming so much! It was hysterical! If they come near you.. please go see them. Realize that it is, of course, cheesy, but, so freaking fun!!

and.. um.. I'm late. I am trying to think about it too much. I have been late before and I have slight cramps. I am pretty sure that she is coming.. but, she hasn't yet. I think I might test tomorrow but, I don't feel like I am pregnant. I know I should test. But, I really don't want to. These cramps just feel like AF? Anyone have experience with AF cramps around the time of the BFP? Do they really feel just like AF?

Okay, Here's the pictures.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I didn't test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is 14 DPIUI and I didn't test at all this month!!!!!!

Go me.. Go me.. Go me..

I am really proud of me! This is the first time in the 16 months of TTC that I didn't test... Of course I can feel AF ready to come.. boo AF. She should be here by tonight or tomorrow. But, nothing is getting me down tonight. IT IS NKOTB NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can honestly say.. It is much better not testing. I didn't have to look at that BFN this month. I didn't have to dissect the test to hold the strip up to the light.. Yeah.. (sheepish).. I do that.. LMAO.

So go me!

Next post.. NKOTB recap!!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Thank You.

To all those who have been sticking with my miserable depressing blog and still offering support.. I thank you. You have no idea what that means. Sometimes I have such a hard time discussing this with people I know. They get sick of the sad stuff. And let's face it, the past few weeks have been full of it. I just hope that once I get past this week and early next week that I will start to feel better and that my family will pull together and heal the unit and my brother.

From the bottom of my heart.. thank you.

P.S., I swear there will be some funner (not a word) posts to come. Maybe after Wednesday's concert!!!!!

Bad "milestone week"

So, I made up with my Mom. I didn't know what else to do. I was so upset yesterday... Here's the milestone's I've got going on this week:

Yesterday: 1 year from the day I found out I was pregnant.

Today: My Grandpa died today, last year. One day after I found out I was pregnant... (there is no way I continue to fight with my Mom on the anniversary of her father's death)

September 30th: One year since I started to miscarry.

So, yeah, tough week.. coupled with all the craziness about my brother. He had some drug dealer arrested ( my Mom made him since she got threatening text messages to her phone, since Matt borrowed it for a few weeks awhile ago). He was threatening to kill him. So, they contacted the police who joined up with the NYPD to arrest the kid. He has a restraining order. But, now he is a "snitch". I am so worried about him. He is so scared. He is afraid someone is going to come after him. I guess a real fear, though. I can't even believe this is my or his life. My dad and DH took him fishing last night to get his mind off things.. and I guess, show him some sober fun.

To compound things.. pms is coming on full force. Af should be here in 3-4 days. AND I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO DO!!!! (this Saturday class is going to be awful.. thank god it is short and over on Nov. 1st... but, there is double the amount of work in half the time!!)

The only bright (and, well, it's pretty damn bright) spot in this mess is that Wednesday is the NKOTB concert. I will let nothing, and I mean, NOTHING interfere with that night!! My girls and I are going to go pre-game a little somewhere and I have the hottest outfit to wear. So... looking forward that that..

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Bad period cramps... What's that all about?

Anyone??? It is way too early for them to be this bad. Usually it is just mild cramping around now. Maybe AF is coming early? Ugh.. Who knows.. I also have a sore throat and a little bloody nose.. that isn't TTc related.. it's fall.. welcome back allergies.. I missed you all summer.

I have no good news about my brother. Yesterday, my Mom took him to the police to get an order of protection against some drug dealer that was sending death threats to his phone. I only know this since my aunt told me. I haven't spoken to my Mom, Dad or brother since Thursday. It is killing me. But, I am so angry at her that I need to just step back. Today she called my aunt to tell her to call me, to tell me, to call her.. ????? Grow a set woman and call me. I am NOT apologizing for telling you what I really think of your actions regarding my brother. And isn't getting an order of protection only going to really anger the already angry drug dealer? I am pretty scared to even go near thier house. The guy knows where they live since he went to high school with them. The cops can't arrest him unless he actually attacks my brother.

But, I have just never been so sad. I can't even think about smiling. I know it is because I am fighting with her over my worry about him. I never go more than a few hours without talking to my Mom. This is killing me. And I just don't see anything coming out of this but, my brother's death.

10 day post IUI....

Officially in testing territory..

I will not test.
I will not test.
I will not test.
I will not test.
I will not..... well, we'll see.

I have my first class this sememster today... FROM 8 to 5!! I am so not kidding. And the teacher is a little evil. I hear that she keeps us until 3:30. It is 6 classes on Saturdays. There are two weeks off scattered in between and it is over November 1st.

How awful is that? There goes enjoying my fall.

Friday, September 19, 2008

International talk like a pirate day

Some silliness to distract me from the horror that is my life this week..

That link is an english to pirate translator.

And that is a website explaining the holiday.


Arrrrgh.. shiver me timbers.

P.S. Here is a great pirate pickup line to romance your husbands with tonight...

"Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me lice ratio"

Or if that doesn't work... and, I mean, why wouldn't it..

"I've crushed 17 men's skulls between me thighs."

(okay that one is a little dirty.. I found those on one of those websites I linked to)

The pickup lines for the men are much, much better....

lifted from......

Top 10 pickup lines for the male pirate...
10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?
9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?
8. Come on up and see me urchins.
7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.
6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.
5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?
4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?
3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.
2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …
1. Prepare to be boarded.

Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often won't)
They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.
You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?
Wanna shiver me timbers?
I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.
Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.
That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.
Let's get together and haul some keel.
That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


So, I can't even update on the events of yesterday. We didn't get him home until midnight and the emotions are just too raw right now. I am so angry at him and at my mom.

I have to put it aside and get through work. Then I can deal with all this.

I have finished the first week of the TWW... I started cramping yesterday (like very mild AF) but, that is just probably a signal of a very bad PMS.

P.S. Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes and prayers. They are truely appreciated.

Prayers needed again....

Please please please. My brother was arrested last night. We thought he was sober again from his last relapse. I don't even know what to feel. We are picking him up after his arraignment tonight after 24 hours in lock up. We are going to try to convince him to pick up and leave Ny and move to Tx with my other brother. I don't think he will want to do it. But, I don't see him living much longer with the poisonous influences here.

We thought he was dead this morning when he didn't come home. We found his car by his friends house in front of a sump and DH was walking through the sump looking for his body. I can't even believe that it came to that.

Please, take some time tonight to pray for him. He is such a good person with an amazing heart and the best ability to love.... he is suffering from a terrible addiction and I can't lose him. My heart is breaking.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

My new outfit!

So last month while in the TWW I went to a store and fell in love with a pair of pricey jeans. But, you know.. I could have pregnant so I didn't get them... sigh... Stupid. However, I promised myself that if I wasn't pregnant I would go back and buy them.

Since yesterday was pay day.. I went back.. I figured I have to go a NKOTB concert next week and Joey Mac would love to see me in new jeans, of course. ;) So, not only did I get new sexy jeans but, I got a new top, new necklace and cute short sleeved black jacket to wear over it all!!

I think I will wear my sexy peep toe pumps with it. So, of course I need a pedicure. AHHH.. Pampering myself is nice... as is leaving beyond my financial means.. LOL.. Hey if I can't get pregnant, I might as well look good!

Quicky question... I needed knew jeans because my old ones are too faded. I hate them now. But I read once that you could use RIT dye to re-darken your jeans... Does this really work? Do they look good as new.. or kind of crazy?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Two week waiting...

While this is fun... it only occupies a few minutes...

What do you do to waste time during the tww...

by the way.. If I am popping bubbles online at 4dPiui... this is going to be a long two weeks.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Where were you?

Seven years ago today, I was in grad school in PA.

I remember rolling over in bed and turning on the news. Both towers had been hit. I was scared out of my mind. I called every family member in NY but, the line was busy.

I had no idea what was happening. I went to school to have the teacher cancel class. He said, "If you need to use our office phones to get in touch with your family, you may". I was the only one from NY and I blurted out, "I can't get in touch with them". Everyone just looked at me, quiet.

And then I went back to my apartment to wait. I remember driving and looking out over to the mountains in Bloomsburg, towards NY. I was so helpless.

My dad worked in the area and I had no idea what to do.

Then I finally got through to my aunt, also in PA. She knew nothing either. But she asked me to come to stay with her in Reading. I didn't want to leave my place until I hear from my family. I needed to be where they could find me if they got through.

I called and called. Busy busy busy..then finally a ring,

" Your call can not be connected due to the tornado in the area".

That was when I lost it. Really. I just wanted to get into a car and drive home but, I knew I wouldn't get home.

So, I waited and finally I got my mom at work. Everyone was okay and she was getting her stuff together to go volunteer at NYC hospitals to help survivors. She is a nurse. But, there was no one to be helped. She was turned away at the place where they were all supposed to meet to get assignments.

I couldn't get into NY to see my family for over a week. Then they finally allowed people over the bridges. I got home as soon as I could. I believe it was the second weekend after 9/11.

I will never forget how good it was to hold my family. Never.

And because of that day I will never live far away from my family again. Never.

I have NEVER felt so helpless and alone in my life. I hope to never feel that way again. I couldn't even hold the ones that I loved that were in NY watching this horror unfold. I couldn't do anything.

Tonight when I look out in my front yard I will see the tribute in lights from NYC. And I will never forget. Never.

I was one of the lucky ones who didn't lose any close family or friends. Of course, I knew people who knew people. But, I did lose something that many American's lost. The feeling of security and safety. I can remember jumping everytime I heard a low flying plane. In fact I still look up. I think I always will.

God Bless those who lost family and friends. This day is awful.

Where were you?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

All done...

Quick and easy. I didn't even feel a pinch today and was confused when the doctor stood up. She was done??? But I didn't feel it. She said, "well everything was very open today. That means we timed it perfectly"... OH god.. please let that be true.

She had me lay on my right side since I am ovulating from my right side. She never did that before. She said, "Maybe gravity will help".

So since I took a half day today I put myself right to bed.. on the right side with a pillow under my hips.. Come on gravity!!

Now I am eating my favorite lunch.. Chicken noodle soup.. Campbell's of course. And then I am off to work...

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Lucky number.. ummm... 5???

Tomorrow is my 5th IUI.. Yikes.. I think I have been going at this for too long!

I have been at the RE every day since Friday and I even got to bond with some sweet ladies. About 4 of us have all been there the past 3 mornings and we got to know each other. We want to do a study of how many educators have IF. Seriously almost every single person in the waiting room was a teacher or worked in education (a couple of us speechie ladies). It is weird.

Has anyone else noticed this?

Okay.. and here is my heavy topic for today...

We were talking at lunch yesterday about Sarah Palin. It was two infertiles and one older lady ( sounds like the start of a bad joke ;) ). So, the older ladies goes, "I don't want to offend you two that are going through fertility treatments but, Sarah is in her 40's and knew she a baby with Down's. She should have aborted. I'm sorry but, abortion is there for a reason and some people really need to abort."

So, it took all my strength not to throttle her. She is new to our building but, I have known her for years. She definitely didn't make any new friends yesterday. Lady, you work in special ed. So, I guess all women who know that they are carrying a special needs child should abort?? Why? She said it as if it was cruel to bring the child into this world. I called my Mom who is a L&D nurse and she says that she hears that opinion all the time. But, even thought I am pro-life, I am of the understanding that women in America have a CHOICE! And that choice can be to keep your baby, regardless of his disability. No one should be chastised for their choice. That is what Pro-Choice means right? It doesn't mean that someone can dictate your choices.

I guess I just have a hard time with her feeling that way when she has dedicated her life to helping special needs children! AND.. she knew it was going to strike a nerve with the two infertiles in the room. She just 3 minutes earlier talked to us about how hard IF is and all that we are going through. She knew we were both having a rough time with this.. She said that she knew it might offend and then she continued to say this awful thing. So, was it just nothing for her to say something so hurtful?

Monday, September 8, 2008

Update on my follie growth

Well, it looks like IUI #5 is in the very near future. I didn't do my OPK this morning so I am wating for the results from my blood test to see exactly when IUI #5 is coming.. but, the lead follie is at 23... I am thinking that the IUI will be tomorrow. I will know more later.

The second follie didn't catch up and my lining eeked up to over 7.

I know that Clomid gives you more mature follies... check.. fine.

But, it also should give more follies, as in quantity.. so why have I not had more than one follie each month yet? I guess quality over quanitity.. but, come on... two would be nice.

I know it only takes one.. but, one hasn't worked for the last year a half.

P.S. I have to present something at two faculty meetings today and I have such a fear of public speaking.. Wish me luck!! (fainting)

Saturday, September 6, 2008

screw you hanna!!

So, Here we are thinking we are more than a mile inland and Hanna won't even bother us. We go to a party and see the "winds".. not so bad... but, we were inland and thinking... what storm? Well, we come home (about 1-2 miles from the nearest water) and the ceiling in the bathroom has a major, water filled bulge in it... Great a roof leak.. Great. I guess.. the shore areas were harder hit???

I don't even know how this is handled... It is midnight, almost, and my Dad said he would come over tomorrow.. Ugh.. I don't even know what we will do. This is bad..

Pray that it doesn't mean a whole roof replacement.. I don't even know where that would come from, finacially speaking.


Well it looks like we had a clogged gutter that backed up the water onto the house. So, thank god we don't need a new roof. We just have to cut out the drywall in the bathroom and replace that small section.

Friday, September 5, 2008

I am a slow grower this month....

I went in today (Cd11) for my sono and bloodwork.

I used 50 mg of Clomid and I am waiting for my surge for my IUI.

But, I only had two dominant follies. One was 15.5 and one was 11. She said the 11 could catch up but, for now the 15 was the dominant one.

And my lining is only at 5...

SO, I have a ways to go. She said that sometimes Clomid can make your cycle longer or shorter. Last month it gave me a beautiful 28 day cycle.... But this month... will be longer.

I am getting anxious. I just want to get on with it!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I'm Back... The most amazing night ever!!!

Seriously, This trumps all.. I may never shower again because I don't want to wash the "Joey" off of me.
My favorite moment was this one...
I am showing Joey my shirt (in which I proposed marriage)..The convo goes like this...
Joey: Marry Me?
Me: Wait look at the back..
Joey: (laughs) I will have to ask my wife.
Me: That's okay. My husband really isn't too okay with it either.
Me: can I get a hug?
Joey: (gives me the longest most gentle warmest hug ever!!!! Seriously.. Not a little half hug tap on the back.. A nice hug... from which I pulled away first...Why oh why??? )
Then I go to the nasty walmart ladies who have taken my camera...
Me: Can you take a picture of us together?
Lady: No, No pictures you need to move on
Joey: Hold on. She asked me to marry her. She gets a picture...
Me: ( on the floor fainted)

Oh My God... Look at his eyes...

Then I totally hooked up my sister. I gushed to Jon about how much she loved him so he asked her name and signed the Cd "to Laura, xxx000 Jon Knight".. THen he gave her a huge hug and kiss on the cheek..

This is her getting a hug from Donnie(she in the blue jacket)

Then... Donnie was soo funny!

I go "can I get a hug" He goes, "You want a hug from me but, you wanna marry Joey?? "

I told him how this is a childhood dream come true and that I could never afford a concert when I was a kid. He goes, "good, so come now" I said, "I am, I have tickets."

Here he is scolding me for wearing a "Marry Me Joey" shirt. I have been told he is checking out my rack.. Who knows.. Maybe that is the story I will tell. "One time Donnie checked out my rack!"

So yeah... Awesome... And Joey is an awesome hugger and I would like to snuggle more with him... please???

I saw the Fertility Statues...

I don't know why this picture is sideways and I can't flip it.. So turn your head... :)

And I met "The Rock"

Okay, He was wax.
But the MOST EXCITING news of the day!!! I got my wristband to get my NKOTB meet and greet tonight!!! WHOOOHOOOOOO. Watch out Joey, I 'm coming for ya!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Ripely's Believe it not Fertility Statue!!

I found this article online.........

“Please Don’t Touch – Unless You Want a Baby!- More than 2,000 women have reported they became pregnant shortly after touching the wooden statues. Many of them had been told by doctors they would never be able to conceive! Since the women’s stories became public in 1994, millions have visited the statues. Beginning Aug. 26, the statues will be on display for a three-month engagement in the lobby of Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Odditorium in Times Square.

Would-be parents are invited to come in and touch them for FREE during regular business hours. The five-foot tall wooden statues were acquired from the Ivory Coast (Cote-d'Ivoire ) of West Africa in 1994, and were placed in the lobby of Ripley Entertainment’s corporate headquarters in Orlando. Within months, 13 women, including staffers and office visitors were pregnant. Following a December 1996 story in the Wall Street Journal chronicling the phenomenon, the demand to touch them became international news.

In the ensuing years, the edifices made three trips around the world, stopping at Believe It or Not! museums, allowing millions easy and free access. They were retired to the Ripley warehouse in 2001, but due to great demand, they were put on display at the Ripley headquarters in Orlando where they have been seen by hundreds each month who made a special pilgrimage to see and touch the statues. “For years now, we have been inundated with requests to make these statues available once again at our odditoriums throughout the world,” said Edward Meyer, VP Archives & Exhibits for Ripley Entertainment. “Amazingly, people are still finding out about them and call us wanting an opportunity to come in and touch them. Due to this demand, we have decided to tour them again.”

I think I am going to meet my husband one day after work this week and we will walk over to see the statue and touch it. Kind of funny though. I wish I could go in today but, I am taking Grandma to the dentist. boooo

UPDATED: I asked my Grandma to switch her doctor's appointment, since I only found out I was taking her last night... and we are going to visit the statues... Do you think they will let me lick it? Or get naked near it? LOL... Okay... Tricia, There is the line... you crossed it. Ohhh boyyy... the hot flashes have gone to my brain. I love Clomid.

Updated again...

I finished my NKOTB t-shirt.. It is fabulous... I am rolling laughing here at the thought of wearing this thing in public. Although I did wear a "snape, friend or foe" T-shirt to the Harry Potter book opening... LOL... I am SUCH A DORK!!

This is the front:
(the "Joey" is in pink sparkles)

And here's the back:

Monday, September 1, 2008

"How was your Summer? Are you pregnant?"

Yup... that will be just about every conversation I have tomorrow...

It's official.. Summer is over and school starts tomorrow. The kiddos don't come back until Thursday and we have two days of horrifying meetings to sit through. UGH....

I know that I am well loved at work and everyone just wants to see how I am doing. So I can't and won't just brush them off or tell them to bug off. I will answer each question honestly but, briefly. They care and want the best for me.. I just have to keep repeating that in my head.. over and over.. and hope that no one walks in with a suprise pregnant belly that they gained over the summer...... Is that evil to think?

Goodbye summer....... Hello, school!!!!

(p.s., I am going to buy the new kids on the block CD at walmart tomorrow to get a pass to get into line to get thier autographs on Wednesday... Yes, I am a loser. And I got my Joey pin from Ebay this weekend... Annnnndddd I am making my NKOTB T-Shirt tonight. I will be sure to post pics of it as soon as it is done!) Okay.... snicker behind my back. Go ahead... I don't mind.. HA HA

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Okay, So I had a heart to heart with the RE today.

And... I feel a little better.

He and I talked about the FSH. Last month was much better. Even "beautiful". tee hee.. Like me??? He says the 12 was a one time thing in May. The tens... they mean my clock is ticking. After the baby we are making right now, I need to try again right away.. Which is so weird. I only got my period at 16???? Does that mean that menopause will come earlier for me? What a short time to have your period right? Anywho.. irrelevant, I guess.

He said that the effectiveness of Clomid increases with repeated use. I will hopefully have a better response this month. He said that people usually get pregnant after a few months of use.

He also said that the IUI's usually take between 4 and 6 tries to work, if they will work. So, we are at try number 5. He still really thinks that IUI's will do it for us. But if not after two months more... IVF or injectables... but probably IVF.

He aslo said the we fall under the "unexplained infertility with a little male factor too" umbrella. He says that even though Stephen's motility has increased (counts have lowered but, are still normal) that his sperm could be swimming in every which way and not forward. So, that could be our problem. And knowing Stephen's sense of direction, wouldn't surprise me... ;) MWAH Love you, babe.

He also said that my tubes could not being grabbing my egg correctly. I have no flipping clue what that meant. Really.

I asked about vitamins, he said, not really. So, he told me just to be patient.

Yeah, right.

But, I feel a little calmer today and I am putting all my energy into scrubbing every last speck of dirt off my cars and my house. Poor Stephen, I am making him help. Happy Vacation, my love.

On a happier note.. we went fishing on a party boat last night. It was Stephen's first time on the bay!! I didn't know that he had only been on boats on lakes.. I am a terrible wife. We have lived by the water for 4 years and I never took him on the bay!

I am also a terrible wife because...... I CAUGHT 5 KEEPERS.. and he caught NONE!!!! I can't stop gloating!! He's like, "You could have let me win since it was my first time fishing in salt water." Sorry dude, I can't help it if I am awesome!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Better FSH level.

I called and got last months level.


Much Better. I will find out this months level tomorrow or Friday. I get the blood drawn Tomorrow.


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I'm back and I brought a friend home with me...

Not a little friend that I am happy to see. Aunt Flo found me all the way in the woods. I tried so hard to hide from her.

I am beyond devastated. And to make it worse.. so is Stephen. I hate to see him cry. I feel so bad. We both have been a mess since yesterday. I can't take this anymore.

I just want an answer. Stephen's motility has been normal the past two times... So what gives? What is our problem? We got pregnant once, a year ago, only to end badly.. Why can't we get pregnant again?

I am being haunted by those 3 FSH levels... 10, 10, 12. Less than 10 is normal. The doctor isn't too worried but, I am. I need to ask what last months was and then what is this month's when I got for the cycle day 3 workup on Thursday. Could that be our problem? I just feel the need to know. I need to know why this is so hard for us.

So so so so sad today...... We are getting our CD3 testing done and then on Friday we will head back up to the cabin to work on the new kitchen installation.

Until then, I reserve the right to cry all week...

The worst part is.. School starts on Tuesday. Everyone left school in June saying.. "I can't wait to see you in the fall. I just know you will be pregnant." So everyone will be asking... and I will have to say, over and over, "No, I'm not pregnant, yet".

Yet. It is getting so hard to say yet. It is starting to feel like, never.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Talk to everyone next week.

We are leaving in a few hours. The doggie is so upset. She sees all the packing and keeps bringing us her toys. I wish she could understand that she is coming too!!!

I had to hang up on my mom today. She was like.. you need to not test until after you come back. Spend the weekend wondering. Yeah, Mom... I have said it before.. but, you had all 4 kids on accident. You didn't have to try for even one of them. You just don't get it. There is no way I will not test, if I am late. In fact, I will probably test tomorrow.

But, anyways.... I will be back sometime mid week. We both have off all week so when we come back really depends on if AF can find me up all the way up in the wilderness. If I get Af I will back midweek to get my Clomid script, the CD3 blood work and a sono. If not I may stay up through Labor Day so we can put a new kitchen in up there. My parents would be meeting me up there to help.

So if you don't hear from me by Wednesday.. I think you can assume it is good news... Otherwise.... Bring on Month 16... And I will uping my dose of Clomid this month to a full pill.

Have a great week!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


What a good news day..

Well not all good. I got a BFN.. I know, I know.. I shouldn't be testing yet. Too early. But I couldn't resist.. tee hee..

But my BFF just got promoted today and my brother just made Staff Sargent in the Air Force. (no, not the brother from my post the other day, the other brother!). I am so freaking excited for him!!!!! He took a test for it and found out today that he passed. He will get his stripes pinned on tonight at work and then will have to take them off. He gets put on a list for Staff Sargent and will get it "officially" as soon as one opens up! (Probably in a few months)

So, CONGRATS to all the people that got promotions today.

Can we get some good news our way this week???? Puh-lease.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

9 Days Post IUI...

Yup. Not much to report. The girls started to hurt today. On the side. They look a little big. I am bloated and I have PMS type cramps (mild but, they are there). Also, I have had a wicked time with my IBS the past two days and I puked a little yesterday (TMI.. I know )

All very, very normal PMS type things for me (except the IBS doesn't usually kick in at all until the day before AF is due). I have a couple of things planned to get me through the day. After tomorrow... all bets are off.. I can't be responsible for my actions when it comes to peeing on a stick.

We are going away on Thursday to my families' cabin upstate. AF is due while I am there. So, I won't be able to post a BFN or BFP until I get back. Although, I am pretty sure it is a negativo again.

The doctor said 3-4 cycles of clomid. One down. 2-3 to go.

Send me some baby dust girls!!!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Rough weekend.

Some very serious family stuff going on. Please keep my brother in your prayers. He has relapsed and I am just not sure that he really wants to be sober. It is very scary. Please, pray for him.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Psychic Stuff.

So there is this lady "C' at work. I have always thought she was too too weird. She never talks to me without provocation. And is super super quiet. So, of course, this bothered me and I went out of my way to chat with her. Especially in the last few weeks. I hate when someone doesn't want to be my friend. Well, My friend "M" thinks she is cool and won't tell me why. "M" is a bit of a crazy, cook but, I totally adore her.

So, today "M" tells me that they do "psychic stuff" together. Totally doesn't surprise me about me about "M". She is a total hippie and just a little off. But, I love her. Really.

So, apparently the other day they were doing some kind of psychic stuff ( I didn't ask what) and "C" predicted that I would have one boy and one girl. While "M" said two boys. I didn't ask for elaboration. And, apparently they were arguing about this. BUT, apparently, I walked in on all this. I can remember a day when I walked in they were all weird (which is so not off for "C"... she is always so weird) and I didn't think anything.

Anyway.. craziness. people are having premonitions about the children I will have. And the number is not zero. And honestly, I am very open about my infertility, but I have NEVER told "C" about it. NEVER. I have told "M" and it was never a secret. Most people know about my IF. But I never addressed "C" about it. So, do I care that someone was talking about it, No. But were they specifically trying to find info about it, or was it them trying to find a nice ending for me?

I don't kn0w how much I believe. But, still.... I guess it is a little bit of hope. It may be totally anti-catholic though. I am pretty sure it is.

Monday, August 11, 2008

ohhh two post in one day...

Lucky you!!!

I just had to post this! My grandma just informed us that she is paying for EVERYONE (me, DH, my parents and my siblings, my aunts and uncles, all of their children and applicable girlfriends) to go skiing this December, they day after Christmas!!! My brother got some leave approved and even he will be joining us!! We will be staying at Smugglers Notch, Vermont!!! My mom's cousin lives there and is a ski instructor on the weekends, so we can also hang with them!

I mean, honestly, my greatest hope is that I can bundle up Stephen and send him out skiing without me, while I make a pouty face about not going with him. I mean, who can go skiing with a big baby bump? I will have to shop and maybe get some spa services. Maybe I can ice skate or something. Or take the kiddies swimming in the pools. Or read a great book by the fire and bake cookies. I will be a little sad about not skiing. But, come on, I will be preggers.

Le Sigh........A girl can dream right?

However, since I don't allow myself silly hope like that, as of now I will be sliding down those slopes this December!!! NICE!!!

I had a busy weekend..

Let's hope it was very "re" productive.. I know.. I know. I am hysterical! LOL

I went for my blood work and sonogram on Saturday to check out my follies after the Clomid. I had used my OPK's Friday morning, Friday afternoon and Saturday morning... All negative. So when they told me I had one lead follie at 22mm, I was a little shocked. I had 4 other follies all less than 10mm. :( I don't know how I feel about that yet. I did have one that got much bigger than it usually does alone. I guess we were shooting for more though. Next month, I will be taking a whole pill of Clomid.

So, anyway, they were like, "we don't think you are surging but, lets take some blood and check anyway". Around 2 pm the phone rings. Guess what? I was surging. The surge is technically 25something and I was at 23 something but, they didn't feel comfortable waiting for Monday morning. So, Sunday morning (I got a positive OPK Sunday morning also) we went for the IUI.

Then we went home and after Stephen's softball game I made him do the deed with me. I tried again later the night. But, he told me it was too much. So, I may jump him again tonight for good measure. I think I ovulated (based on the crazy mittelschmerz I had at like 11pm) sometime last night.

So, cross your fingers. The Two Week Wait is beginning! (faint)

P.S. I saw Brett Favre at practice! I think I am over my Pennington grieving! Brett's arm is amazing!!!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Brett Favre... We don't want you.....

Unless you win of course ;)

But, Chad, Chad, Chad.... I am so sad. (that sounds like a poem). We will miss you here in NY. I just "met" you last week and I was so on the Chad bandwagon. I was always kind of there... but, after that I was firmly planted on it. He is one seriously nice guy and I really thought he was throwing better at training camp. Good Luck where ever you go. Dude... You were a cool JET. You were the ONLY Jet to look up an acknowledge the crowd during the rain delay on Saturday. The ONLY one. You will be missed.

But, seriously is Brett is only signed for one season. What about after that? Is he going to retire again and then leave us fucked? Ohh I am so mad. This was a really stupid deal, for the long term anyway. He is 38!! Come on.

My Jet cheer is a little sad and quieter this morning. J E T S Jets Jets Jets... (with a lot of apathy and not too much enthusiasm)

Oh and P.S. I feel a little better this morning. Lets see what happens after I eat.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Who wants to pretend to be my doctor for a minute?

So today, I am pretty bloated.
I feel full in my abdominal area.
It feels tight.. Kind of like everything inside is swollen.
My ovaries are a little pinchy feeling and I feel like, gas bubbles.

Could this be from the HSG?

Or could it be mild OHSS from the low does of Clomid?

The feeling is so hard to explain. It isn't painful, just really uncomfortable. Kind of like, you know when have to pee so bad that it hurts to hit a bump in the car and then after you pee it is still sore in your belly for a minute or two. Like that, with bloatingand pinchy ovary pains. LOL Has anyone ever experienced this either from the HSG or from Clomid?

Braces bunch people

Does anyone have the email with the braces bunch first generation websites? I am just realizing that I only have the BB2 on my list and I don't have that email anymore? I don't want to bother JJ with this right now so if anyone else could help me out it would be FAN-TAB-ULOUS!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Now that hurt!!

I'm back from the HSG. The good news... No clogs, blockage or anything. He said that any little clogs that were there are gone because of the test. So that is good. Lets hope it gets me pregnant very soon!

The bad news... OUCH!!! It hurt!! Really..

They were putting in the speculum, "just like the OB", he says. Um no. That mofo cranked when he opened it and I swear I could feel it up to my shoulders! Then he went to insert the catheter. But, my cervix was cooperative. It migrated. I have no idea how. But, it packed up and migrated.

Eventually he inserted the catheter. It hurt but, not that bad. Then came the balloon! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW! He only inflated in 1/3 of the way because it hurt so bad. They they slid me back like a invalid on a hospital bed. And they took the pictures. They inserted the dye. It hurt a little but, not as bad and the fecking balloon! Holy crap! That balloon!

He said, "everyone should hope to have a study like yours!" I liked that!

It was kind of cool to see. One tube was all pretty and upside down U shaped. The other was a little more squiggly.. Still a U shape but just not as perfectly U shaped as the other. He said it was still perfectly fine. Apparently there is a lot of variation in tube shapes.

So, all in all it was okay.

I just have one pet peeve. WHY OH WHY do doctors offices only have those pads that are large enough to absorb the Nile River. Seriously. They make you waddle!! Buy some thin pads with all your money. I know those offices can afford it. They are not broke!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

And now.. I am vomiting...

Great. I took My first two doses on antibiotics yesterday and the third right before I got in the shower this morning. This antibiotic is for my HSG test to, I guess, stop infection possibilities. So yeah, I ate breakfast, got in my car, opened the door and puked. Right on the driveway. Twice. Then I ran inside and proceeded to get violently ill. Really bad.

I called the doctor and they seem to think it is my antibiotics, not the Clomid. Thank god. I am going to start taking zithromax tonight and I am going to make darn sure that I eat a a full meal with it!!! YUCK!! I was so upset to be puking. My puppy dog came to my rescue and was up in my face while I was puking. Very cute, but, I wanted to kill her.

I am so so scared for the HSG. Tell me it won't be so bad. Will it? I am only working until 12 and then I have the test at 2. * My sister is taking me and she is not so good on the compassion thing. Remember she called me a infertile bitch a few months ago. YIKES.

Also my Cervical fluid is indicating Ovulation should be soon. Maybe this weekend. I asked the doctor and they told me to start using the OPK's a little earlier. Maybe Wednesday (cd11). I have a sono appointment for Saturday but, honestly, I think I will be Ovulating around that time. We'll see. I have been wrong before about that.

*UPDATE! The office called and wanted me to come in at 8am! I couldn't do that because then I would have to take the whole day off and I only get paid per-deim in summer school. So, I am going in at 12:15. Yikes. I am scared!!

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Holy Hot Flashes Batman!!!

Good F-ing Lord!!

I have downed 4 doses of Clomid (1/2 a pill each) and have decided that all it is doing is cooking me from the inside out.

I feel like a menopausal woman! It is worse at night. Last night I never slept more than an hour consecutively. I was hot.. then cold... then okay.. then hot again. Covers on... covers off.. It was bad. I went to Jets practice yesterday (WHERE I FINALLY GOT BRAD SMITH TO AUTOGRAPH MY SHIRT*) and I was sitting in the pouring rain.. not cold at all.. Okay so that was good. But, when it started to get scary out we ran over to Cherbet's bar.. (WHERE I MET WAYNE CHERBET!!**) and I had a beer and all of the sudden I was dripping with sweat. I heard that the hot flashes are worse when you have alcohol.. Well they were. Fun fun.

* I waited forever to watch Brad Smith sign all the kiddies. Then he started to go back to the lockers. I panicked. Stephen yelled his name and something about his jersey. The rest was in Slow Motion. It was beautiful. He glanced over from the 50 yard line. Then he did a double take. Big Smile when he saw my jersey (Note: The NFL doesn't make his jersey yet. I had to get it specially made.. yes I am a stalker). He came running back to the endzone fence where I was. He goes, " I saw the jersey and I had to come over". That's right. I impressed him. So he signed it. He wrote "To Trisha, Brad Smith 16" I did tell him my name was spelled Tricia but, oh well. It still says Tricia, sort of. Stephen told him that I wouldn't let anyone else sign it. Which was true. Bubba Franks tried to sign it and I told him "no, only Brad Smith". He looked hurt. So I told him, "Bubba you already got my hat." Then he smiled. Brad Smith laughed at this. He is cool. My chest was pounding a little.

** So we go to Cherbets bar for a drink and wings during the lightning delay. We are waiting at the bar and who strolls out but WAYNE CHERBET. FUCKING LEGEND!!! So, We met him. I told him how much my grandpa would have loved to meet him. He didn't seem impressed. So, I told him that my grandpa was a Hofstra Alum and a Season Ticket Holder for the Jets. He smiled and said "Really, he went to Hofstra, Cool." That was for you Grandpa! Stephen got him to sign his Martin Jersey. Not the right player but they are both retired. So kind of okay.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Relaxing doesn't get you pregnant.

It doesn't. It just doesn't. And if one more person says it to me I am going to fucking scream.

Seriously, It is my fault a little. I am very open about our IF. But, how many times can I say, "I can relax all I want but, it doesn't make Stephen produce better sperm, it doesn't make me produce more eggs, and it DOESN'T stop me from having a miscarriage. It just doesn't."

I do get that stress doesn't help but, guess what, I can't forget that I want a baby. I can't go into a catatonic state at the doctor's so that I don't remember the appointments. I can't get rid of the other stressors. I can't stop worrying that my brother might start using drugs again and could die. I can't stop worrying about where I will be working next year since the numbers are down in the middle school. I can't stop the fact that money is tight. I just can't.

I having SUCH a hard time right now and I just want to do something silly to all those "just relax" people. Like something out of Harry Potter. Maybe I could make them vomit frogs or something.


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

1/2 a pill of Clomid

So, when I went into the RE for my CD3 stuff today, I had to meet with one of the other doctors.

She was surpised that I was doing Clomid since she knew I was really scared to do it.

She said that she has had some nice results using only a half a pill of Clomid. (She even has seen nice results using 1/2 a pill over 3 days rather than 5 days.).

She recommends this for some of her patients who are scared of multiples.

She said if I try it and only produce one follie, well then I still have one follie for this IUI and next month I can try the whole pill. She said that the two of the three female doctors are trying 1/2 a pill on a lot of patients and my doctor is not. I have no idea why.

So, I talked to Stephen and he really wants me to try the 1/2 of a pill.

So, that's what we are doing, for 5 days.

Hopefully it works. She said I might see 2-3 follies rather than 3-4 follies.

What do you think? Am I being stupid?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Asthma and HSG

So, I got the nurse on the phone. Apparently the dye is a shellfish derivative and could cause asthma symptoms. I explained that mine was very mild and I am NOT allergic to shellfish. They said I would have to go on six days of prednisone!! Kill me.

But, then the nurse called back and said the doctor at the radiology office said I didn't need it. I don't know why? I didn't ask questions.

I am going for the HSG on Tuesday at 2pm. My sister is going to take me. This should be fun. Do you remember my post from when I went camping. She is pleasure to hang out with. I don't want DH to waste anymore days off. I really want to go away in August and I want him to take off for the IUI's. I think they count more.

So, yeah.. asthma and shellfish and hsg. Who knew?


Okay, a non-infertile post, if you will humor me.

I love the Jets. I only started loving football when I met my sweet hubby. He was the only guy to explain it to me and tell me fun facts during games. Other boys just shushed me or ignored me. Stephen got me into it. But, even when I wasn't into football I loved the Jets. It is in my blood. Genetic. My grandpa was a HUGE Jets fan and I had to like them. I may have been tortured into submission if I didn't. He was also a Hofstra alum. (This will make sense in a minute). Anyway, when Stephen proposed, not only did he convert to be a Catholic, but, also to be a Jets fan. (No big deal, The Titans suck and He hadn't been to his Methodist chuch in years).

So anyway, Jets training camp just opened. We have been there twice already. I brought my autograph hat the first day. And my cute Brad Smith jersey (by cute I mean, the jersey and the player...tee hee). I got some fun signatures and chatted up a few players. Then we went to Cherbet's. This is a restaurant owned by Wayne Cherbet (a former Jet and a Hofstra alum, my Grandpa loved him). The manager started chatting with us and offered to take my hat and get Wayne to sign it. So, awesome! My grandpa would have been proud. I handed it over and agreed to pick it up on Saturday.

We went to the the Saturday practice and who was signing autographs.. CHAD PENNINGTON. And I DIDN'T have my autograph hat because Wayne Cherbet had it!!!! Boooooooo.... I was so sad. SO I grabbed my Mom's hat and stood next to Chad. We are on a first name basis now ;) I was pushed, whacked in the head, sweated on, and smushed. But, I did get the autograph for my Mom and I did listen to Chad converse with the fans.

He is nice and really fun. I have heard how INCREDIBLY nice he is. And he is!!!! So in conclusion, Greenbay, I don't want your Brett Farve. I want Chad. Who cares if he can't throw the ball. He is SOOOO sweet!!!

And that my friends, is why all my previous boyfriends didn't involve me in football.

This is me in my custom made, Brad Smith, stalker jersey.

And this is Brad Smith, wearing his own jersey. (#16)

And here is Chad. I was there. Right next to the guy in the green hat and green shirt. I am just short and the guy behind me was shoving my head into the fence. Nice. Seriously, my brother was getting so mad, he wanted to punch the guy.