The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.

I would die for that.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

hey

So, I can't even update on the events of yesterday. We didn't get him home until midnight and the emotions are just too raw right now. I am so angry at him and at my mom.

I have to put it aside and get through work. Then I can deal with all this.

I have finished the first week of the TWW... I started cramping yesterday (like very mild AF) but, that is just probably a signal of a very bad PMS.

P.S. Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes and prayers. They are truely appreciated.

8 comments:

JJ said...

Just letting you know you and your family are in my prayers today...

Jendeis said...

I'm so sorry that this is happening - your family is in my prayers.

alicia said...

saying prayers for your family sweetie. hang in there.

nancy said...

Shit. No email.

Okay, so ~I~ was a heroin addict in my early 20s.

Many people had the same feelings about me that you are saying you have against your brother. Please please please remember that this is NOT him. This is the drug that is talking. The drug that is lying. The drug that is making all these choices. Heroin is a bit different in the aspect of drugs/addition. Most drugs are more psychological addictions, it's hard to quit, yes, but it doesn't put you in entire body ravages when you try.

Quitting heroin is the hardest thing I have ever done. I promised MANY people MANY times I would quit. Shit, I WANTED to quit. I wasn't lying, I did. But 12 hours without the drug, you feel like you are going to die. You feel like your body is turning inside out and everything screams in agony. And then that little piece of your brain says "just take it one more time and you won't feel like this". And you are in so much pain that the little voice sounds right.

Look, love your brother. Tell him you love him. But tell him you will NOT enable him nor help him until he's ready. Every single successful heroin quitter I have ever known has had to do it themselves. I was literally laying in the back on an ambulance after ODing (again) and promising I'd quit. But I didn't. It wasn't until I quit for myself. It wasn't until I said enough. True, I knew I needed to quit. I knew everyone needed me to quit. But until I WANTED to quit, until I wanted to go through detox from hell to achieve it, is when it happened for real.

You will hear what you consider "lies" until he hits that place. Unfortunately things may get worse. You may lose your brother. He could die. But no amount of pleading will help him. He has to do it.

You know what got me there? having my best friend and my family tell me they no longer want to see me. I was told to never contact them but they loved me. And if I ever wanted them again, I'd have to be clean. Yes, if I landed in jail, I couldn't call them. But if I cleaned up, I'd be welcomed back. Shortly after that, I quit. For ME. And unfortunately, the tough love is something that's necessary for you to do. You get him out of jail, you gie him a place to stay, eat, drink, anything - you are enabling him.

Love him. Tell him you love him. And walk away. It's up to him.

theclam said...

Still thinking and still praying for your family and for a great result from the IUI...

HUGS!!!

theclam said...

Great advise from Nancy! It will probably be the hardest things you guys do but it is great advise...

HUGS!!!

Tricia said...

Nancy.. Thanks for sharing that.

I can't imagine how hard this is on him. I know that enabling him is making it worse. Last night I walked away, as did my sister. But, my Mom won't. I am afraid she is going to lose my stepdad in the process. Nothing I can do is opening her eyes to what she is doing. I am just so lost.

nancy said...

It was the pain in my mother's eyes when my father 'disowned' me that got me started on the pathway to quitting.

Good luck to your brother. It's the hardest thing he'll ever have to do.