I just realized...

......That yesterday would have been the due date for the baby we miscarried. I no sooner pressed "publish post" on my last post, then I remembered.

I spent so much time worrying about how I would feel on that day, and then I forgot. I had such a wonderful day yesterday. We took my students to a local amuesement park and we had a blast. They are special ed. but, high school and somewhat higher functioning. We spent the whole day running from ride to ride and Dh and I went out for romantic Japanese food. Two people who I am friends with, that had very close due dates to mine, just had thier babies and I am so happy for them. I thought the birth of thier children would make me feel sad. But it didn't.

And I forgot.

I don't know if that is a horrible thing or a good thing. I am glad I didn't spend the whole day crying but I am really sorry to our little angel. I think that it is good that I am at a place where I am happy for my friends but, I am so sad that I didn't remember yesterday. Is this a stupid thing to beat myself up over?

So little baby, We will never, ever forget you. We loved you, for the very short time we had to think of you. I will never forget the joy we felt the day we found out we were pregnant and the immense sadness when we lost you. I only hope that you are up in heaven with my Grandpa and he is taking care of you.

I am not going to sit around and cry all night, although I am now. I am doing much better than I was a few months ago and I won't go back to that feeling. I just wanted to acknowledge this milestone of our loss.

Update on CD3 visit. A few days late.

So I went for my CD3 visit on Thursday.
All is well. Hormones came back okay and the baseline sono was good. I am going back next Saturday for my sono to see when I should ovulate and I start using my OPK's on Thursday. That's all. They basically told me that with my age and DH's counts after the wash, we are looking at 20- 30% chance each IUI. So it is just a matter of beating the odd's. We didn't do it last month. So, hopefully we will this month. We are continuing with the plan of unmedicated IUI's for the next two months.

So, I went to Fairway and Ivarone Bros. today (BTW, they are two of the 3 most ridiculously good food stores on earth, missing from my trip today was Trader Joe's but, I went there last night) and I went for Japanese food last night.

All this yummy food, wine (of which I am sipping as I type, which would excuse any gross misspellings or grammar mistakes), cookied fish (since I don't like sushi), and soft imported cheeses, reminds me of the ONE AND ONLY good thing about getting AF each month. I get to eat and drink all of the above.

DH and I are kind of wino's and each month when I get AF, I spend the next two weeks chugging all the wine I can before I ovulate because, you know.. I might not be able to indulge for about 2 years, especially since I will breastfeed. So last night we had Japanese food, Saki and all sorts of things loaded with mercury. Today I am having fresh mozzarella over tomatoes drizzled with balsamic and some EVOO, Ravioli with the best vodka sauce on earth, Italian bread and two big glasses of vino. And of course all the Diet Coke I can drink. YUUUUMMMMM

In a few weeks, If I get my BFP, I will happily give it all up (meaning the fish, wine, caffeine. But for now I am being big, fat, drunk, glutton. And I love it.

Of course, I have being using this thought process to comfort myself for the past year. It still works. Maybe one day it won't, but for now.. I am very happy right now.

And I am listening to "Old School" NKOTB while I type (I just downloaded a bunch of songs from ITunes.. much to Stephen's dismay). This is clearly a side effect of all the wine! So I am over my pity party from last Monday.. and Hangin Tough.

OMG.. "This one's for the children" just started playing. Please, tell me you remember this!! "Remember when we said, girl, please don't go?" Hopefully this cycle has the "right stuff".. Okay I will stop.. but I really don't want to!!!

I am feeling so much better today.

Really. So I think I get to do two posts. One nice quote and one of the hot men at Jones Beach State Park on Saturday. This post will be completely inappropriate for someone who is trying very hard to make a baby with her wonderful husband... but, I am having a rough week.. so whatever!! (And don't mind my pmsing fat tummy and bloated boobs.. Seriously, I should have known AF was coming when I put on that old lady bathing suit!! Back to Weight Watchers anyone?)

1st Picture: Dh buried in the sand and my Dad pretending to poop on his head.. I know.. Feel bad for me. Dh seriously took the shovels away from my little cousins and dug himself a huge hole. Sigh.

2nd Picture: Dh and I posing with the helicopter.

3rd Picture: Me and the Men I will mention below.. humana humana humana

DH will not take me in to Manhattan for Fleet Week anymore. I can't imagine why. I mean seriously, so my eyes barely look at my DH all day. So I drool like a 2 year old, So I stare inappropriately at men in uniform... mmmmm... Did I mention that that the only time I ever cheated (and by cheated I mean kissed...for real.. I'm prude) on my ex was with a drunken guy in a sailor suit on St. Patty's day?

So instead of Fleet Week we go to the Air Show. My Mom and I usually escape and find some sweaty guy in a uniform standing on the boardwalk and chat him up. My DH and my Dad look at planes and eat ice cream. But this year.. OH this year.. The coast guard did their usual helicopter rescue thing, (they dump some guys in the water and fish them out)but this year they dumped them in a second time and the guys swam to shore in there wet suits while little kids, teenage girls, and me :) swarmed around them and took pictures. Let me tell you. They filled out a wetsuit nicely. I was so giddy. Dh goes "Guys, can my wife take a picture with you? It would make her day."

So Yeah to DH for letting me flirt with the Coast Guard Men. It still doesn't come close to Fleet Week but, it will do.

Oh on a side note. Someone my cousin works with went home with one of the Blue Angel Pilots on Saturday night. I am not going to say I am jealous.. but NICE!!! I am in awe. There is something about a guy flying a plane like that at crazy speeds in all those stunts.. mmmm...

Okay.. So now I will be nice. My DH is very sexy, cute, and sweet and would never want to go anywhere in life without him. But there is nothing sexy about advertising. He looks at the Jets Flight Crew girls and I look at men in uniform. We are even.

Quote

"Courage is going from failure to failure with losing enthusiasim. " - Winston Churchill

I like it! Very insiprational.

IUI #1.. failed.

I started some heavy spotting today. So it's over. I just don't understand it. I really don't. Dh's counts were off the charts!! How is it possible to fail with 121 million count? I just don't understand.
I am beyond devestated. I kind of had a feeling yesterday. I was just too pms-y, you know. So I had a few drinks at our BBQ. But I was still shocked when I was at my cousins birthday bbq today and saw the witchy AF. I told Dh and thought I was okay and sat down outside next to my aunt. I told her, "I just got my period"... and burst into tears. SO I jumped up and grabbed my mom and ran inside and told her. She was hugging me and telling me "you will be pregnant by the end of the summer, you will" I was a crying mess and DH looked helpless. SO I decided that we were leaving. Then my uncle walked in and just tried to ignore us all. Poor innocent bystander. So I sat in the car while poor, hungry, HD got a hamburger and we left. What a wasted trip to that BBQ for 10 minutes, at 4.00$ a gallon!!! So now I am sure that all my uncle's in-laws know all about my IF. Great.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

So I was being so good. I had no tests in the house but I was getting crazy symptoms. So DH and I are at the Dollar Tree, shopping for the bbq and I caved and bought a test. Dh was SOO mad at me. But I got it anyway. I put it under the counter and said it would be for tomorrow morning. About 10 seconds later I was ripping it open. So I tested this afternoon (11Dpiui and not firt morning urine)..


BFN!!!

I am so so mad at myself. I know that I am not out yet. But come on.. With the bloating, cramping and boob pain I am having, If I was pg and it was just PMS it would have showed up. Too many symptoms to doubt that BFN.

I am so angry, upset and sad. I am just so tired of this crap!!!!

UGh.... I just ruined a wonderful day!!!

Baby Dust

13

That is my progesterone level. Not bad. I saw somewhere that you want above 10 for non-medicated and above 15 for a medicated cyles.

I am a non-medicated cycle so that is good! I am relaxed now. Now I just have to try and keep my hair attached to my head until Tuesday for my blood pregnancy test or the wretched bitch Aunt Flo.

I need a little baby dust right now

So here is my question? Does anyone else get raging PMS. Like, so bad, that you actually get almost every single early pregnancy symptom each month? I do!! Lucky me. I am sitting here, 9DpIUI, analzing my symptoms and I popped them into fertility friend... and guess what I get all the same symptoms of pregnancy each month. For instance, really sore , swollenboobs and nips (((blushing))), blue veins on my boobs, pulling, pinching, cramping in my belly, gas, bloating, fatigue, bleeding gums, skin break outs (my most favorite pms symptom), and yes, I get morning sickness. Last month I almost made my aunt pull over the car so I could yack. Seriously it is not fair. Everyone keeps asking me if I have any symptoms.. and guess what I do! But I have them every month. So far, I have sore and swollen boobs, sore boobs, bloating, gas(fun for me), fatigue, bleeding gums (but I just got a new tootbrush and it really hurts. Dh got the same one and his hurts too. So that could be the explanation), TONS of cramping, pulling, pinching, and poking in my belly.

So it is a little baby or a big fat unwelcome visitor that I am dealing with. AF is due Tuesday. We shall see. All I can say is that it is going to be a loooong weekend!

layouts myspace

I guess my progesterone is normal????

The nurse told me this morning that they would call by 3pm, only if there was a progesterone deficiency. I started to object but, I stopped myself. However, this is the ONE test that I was most worried about. I had a previous miscarriage and I was so so nervous about the progesterone level. I wanted them to call me and tell me the results either way. I really did. But it was 6:30 in the morning and I shut my mouth.

So here is it 3:30pm and I haven't received a phone call. I should relax. That means it's okay, right? Well, what if they misplaced my name, forgot to call me, called the wrong person? What if my progesterone is low, I find out that I am pregnant but, it's too late and I miscarry. I am nuts. I know. DH convinced me to call the nurses line. I did. It is after 2pm and the message services is picking up. I wouldn't hear back until tomorrow anyway.

So why can't I accept that this is good news and relax. Why am I a nervous wreck? Why don't I trust someone to call with the correct results? Why? Because I lost one baby and I never want to go through that again. Ever. Ever. Ever. I am so scared to get pregnant again. So scared. I don't know how I will relax. For me, low progesterone was the easy fix. I could tell myself that is why I lost the baby and take the supplements and it would all be fixed. But, now I am back to the big answerless question... WHY???? Why did I lose that baby and how can I stop it from happening again? My worst fear is not being able to relax and not enjoying my future pregnancy. I don't want to be overwhelmed with fear. But I will be.

So I admit this is a downer post. Sorry for it. Some days are just like that.

On a better note, the fedex guy should be knocking on my door any minute to deliver my FREE hdtv with the built in dvd player from Verizon FIOS. It took about 3 weeks longer than the allotted time period to arrive and they have ended this promotion due to all the problems with it. But as I was driving home today I thought, I bet that TV is here today. I just had a feeling. I sometimes am a little psychic. And sure enough there was a fed-ex "we missed you tag". But the delivery guy left his cell number. SO I called and they will be back soon!!!! YIPEEE... I have to go to Best Buy today and get a new bracket. I am so excited. This TV I have in the bedroom was given to me a gift by my Grandma when I was 12. For real. It is so old that the channels only go up to like 20 without a cable box! So yeah to Verizon FIOS for making my gloomy paranoid day into a kind of cool one!

5 DpIUI....

Start the jeopardy music....

Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Dum da Dum Dum DUm DUm DUm....


I hate the waiting... Seriously.. This stinks. I have my progesterone level blood test on Tuesday.. Another really early day. The appointment is at 6:30 am.. YIKES!!

So the other night I saw a fantastic movie that I have wanted to see for a while now.

The Business of Being Born. Directed by Ricki Lake..

Fantastic. It is no secret that I am all for the natural means of childbirth. I used a midwife before I miscarried and I loved her. I know that I have no idea what I am "in for" and I really believe that it is my decision. I am not against epi's for certain reasons but I don't want one, if all goes well. Of course if there is an unforeseen MEDICAL EMERGENCY (read: not that I am not progressing according to some else's schedule or whatever other reasons the doctors will scare you with) then I am all for whatever means there are needed to save the life of myself or my baby. I don't think I am better or stronger than anyone, I don't want to be a hero... let's see what other horrifying and ignorant things have been said to me?? Oh yeah, I am not putting my future child in danger, I am not snotty, and I am NOT (repeat NOT) judging anyone for their decisions. They are a personal matter and I respect them. SO to all the people that have been on back about how I will birth my not-yet conceived child... Please back off. (Or I will horrify you all and have a home birth!!)
But anyway... did I sound bitter? I am a little. With all this debate before I even conceive I can't even imagine how many people will have opinions on what's best for my baby when I am pregnant or after he/she is born. (((Banging my head into a wall)))

Did you know that in NY there is over a 45% c-section rate? Correct me if I'm wrong.. aren't sections for medical emergencies? (scratching my head) My own OB practice has well over 50% section rate. That's 1 in 2 births ending in a section!!!! Holy smoke!!! Now do you people see why I am going with a midwife? I want a section to be used as a LAST resort in a medical emergency that will save me or my baby from death or serious injury and only that. So KUDOS to Ricki Lake for bringing this issue to the forefront. Let's start some serious discussion about the crisis in OB care in America!! (which by the way rates 2nd, yes 2nd in infant and maternal death during childbirth)

Turkey................ Basted!!!

So that's it. I did it. My first (and maybe, hopefully, pretty please God, last) IUI!!!!!!!

At 6:40 this morning I stuffed a foil covered cup of sperm in my bra and began the drive to the RE's office. I was much more of a pro navigating the office hallways, or so I thought. Until I went in and signed in. I sat for a minute or two when I was told I was in the wrong place.. Sure.. yup.. I'm still a rookie. So I found the place were I dropped off Dh's swimmers for a good washing. Then I went and grabbed a cup of tea at Starbuck's and listened to some calming music on my IPOD.

I got back to the office around 7:30 and I SWEAR my ex boyfriend's frat brother was sitting in the waiting room. I looked down and averted eye contact until he left. I didn't even look long enough to ID whether or not it was really him. Men don't age as nicely as us women do, you know? I really didn't need the awkward conversation that I get to have when ever I run into one of his friends, at all, let alone while I am waiting for an IUI. Yeah that's fun. Luckily, either it wasn't him or he didn't recognize me.

So when I finally get called in the make me check Dh's test tube of sperm 90 gazillion times. Seriously, I am glad for this, but, if one more person showed me a test tube of sperm and asked me, "Is this your husband?" It was kind of funny...But now for the BEST PART!!!!!

Drum roll.......

120 million sperm post wash, with 95% motility!!!!! (After the wash of course! But still that is pretty freaking great. I didn't know that the washing could have that dramatic of an effect!) Yeppers!!!!! Dh has been calling himself super sperm all day. So Dh always had phenomenal counts (like 160 million) but just had really slow, confused swimmers, with funny shapes (low motility, little to no forward progression and low morphology if you want to get technical). So I am soooo psyched!!!!!

The IUI itself was not so bad. No pain at all. And the doctor just told me to go have some fun with Dh tonight.. Look out hunny!!

They drew some blood and I just got a message from the office saying that I am not ovulating and the timing was off so I should come back in tomorrow. I freaked and called back. I can totally feel myself Oing today, My boobs are starting to hurt, what are they talking about??? Ummm, when I called, I had them all confused. They have no idea why I got that message. My LH was like 88. I am totally ovulating. Like now. I am little worried about that and I am starting to feel very grateful that I checked that test tube so many times. But I am going to not think about it. That could drive me nuts. So I don't need to go back tomorrow for a second IUI. Hopefully that is all it takes. Hopefully. But not too much hope. Then you just get crushed and defeated later. (BTW.. have I mentioned that AF is due just days before what would have been my due date if I didn't miscarry.. Yeah I could be an emotional basketcase by the month's end)

I have to go back next week to have my progesterone levels drawn.

Let the Two week wait obsessing begin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the hysteria begins....

Do you know me? I over think EVERYTHING... I mean EVERYTHING... So here I was at 6:00 this morning freaking out about the timing of the IUI...and chasing my dog and a rabbit around the backyard.

So, the RE has been telling me to use the OPK's with first morning urine. Which is wrong??? You are supposed to use them around 3-4pm to catch the LH surge. Correct??? So whatever, I listened. Because I am sheep and will follow someone with fancy degrees on their wall.

I tested yesterday and nothing.
I tested this morning and got the smiley face. But, I seriously think that If I tested yesterday at 3pm I would have seen the smiley face.

Also, Saturday I had the nasty egg white cervical mucous. I should have warned you about this post being TMI but You know what??? This is a post about fertility treatments. There is bound to be some TMI stuff everyone once in a while. (((wink.)))

**Looking back on the past 6 months I always get**
EWCM then,
the next day I get the the smiley then,
the next day I Ovulate (or at least feel the ovulation pain.. or gas...)

So I really think that I followed this same pattern this month. I got EWCM on Saturday late night and I got the smiley face this morning. But since I didn't test yesterday afternoon, only early in the A.M. I have no way of knowing if I would have seen the smiley face yesterday afternoon. I can only assume that I would have. If so, I should Ovulate today. I am also starting to feel ovulation pains on my right side that are getting stronger as the day goes on.

So, Anyway, I called the doctor at 7am and explained to the nurse that I think that if we wait until tomorrow to do the IUI that we will have missed ovulation. Se says that you Ovulate 36 hours after the surge (a.k.a smiley face). Well, don't you think that if I had the smiley this morning that I would have also had it at 3pm yesterday? How does she know that my surge began at 6 am this morning and not at 3pm the day before? She insists that coming in tomorrow is the appropriate time. So I concede and I am going in tomorrow. Again. I am a sheep. Baaaaa.

But, my gut tells me that I am missing it and I should have gone in this morning. I don't know why she didn't say, "just come in today". But she didn't. So now I am a bundle of stress.

So thank goodness for the wonderful ladies at who talked me back from the brink of insanity this morning!! They all told me that they think I will be fine. Even if I do ovulate this minute the egg should survive about 24 hours ( I HOPE!!! ) and even if I get the IUI after I ovulate I could be okay. PRAY HARD FOR ME!!! DH's swimmers need to wake up, find a map and get to the promised land tomorrow. No time for fooling around up there!!!

So, as all this is going on my silly dog is scratching at the door. I let her out and see her bolt across the lawn after a flash of white cotton tail... That's right. My dog attempted to murder a bunny...Did I tell you what time it was? 7am. Right. SO I run out and I chase the dog, who is chasing the bunny, Tom And Jerry style, around the backyard. I am screaming like a nut and my heart is jumping out of my throat. So I finally corner the little nut, right onto of my baby hosta which has been growing so nice. She proceeds to smash it to bits. Of course. But I did grab her by the scruff and get her into my arms. And as a reward she rubbed her muddy paws all over my white sweater. I put her inside and I go back out to try and coax the confused bunny out of my yard. Guess what? Bunnies are afraid of people. So, I gave up and went back in and for the rest of the morning I listened to my dog scratching at the window and screaming at the bunny.. because that is what I needed today.. LMAO!!! At least I can see the humor in this.

So.... Drum roll.. TOMORROW is my first IUI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Waaaahoooo... But only a little wahoo because I am so nervous that my egg will pop out and then poop out before I get there. Maybe I will get DH to sit on my stomach to keep the egg warm so it doesn't hatch.. LOL

CD10 Visit!

So yesterday I had my CD10 Sono to check on my follicle growth. The appointment was at 6:30 a.m. That's right A.M!(groan) So, Anyway I was soooo not getting up alone at that hour and I made DH get up with me. He was thrilled (note: sarcasm). So we set the alarm for 5:15 and were not too happy when that alarm went off. I showered and Stephen made me breakfast and lunch. I was out the door by 5:50. Guess what?? There was no traffic. NO ONE ELSE IS UP THAT EARLY.. EVEN ON LONG ISLAND. So anyway.. I have to time how long it takes me to get from my door to the waiting room of the RE so we know if Stephen needs to make his "deposit" at home or at the lab. Of course it takes me 15 minutes to get the parking garage. (but it is quite a maze to get over the foot bridge into the RE's office.) So I think, Okay I really early but this good. I jump out of the car and over to elevator. I press 4. But the elevator starts to go down.. WHY?? What's going on? Then it stops at 1 and nothing happens.. Oh crap.. I am stuck in an elevator. I start to sweat, panic and curse when the elevator starts moving on its own again. I am back up at 2. What the hell. I jump out and there is a very kind women standing there that says, "Is it still turned off?" Huh? What? Apparently they don't turn it on until 6:28. So much for timing my trip. We'll call it 20 minutes with no traffic. It may be worse if I have a later appointment but 20 minutes sounds good.
So I go back to the car and read for a bit. When I get back, the women and I stand around in uncomfortable silence for a couple of mintues. Does she know what I am here for?? When the elevator is switched on we go up to the floor. Guess what? I have no idea where to go. I totaly forgot. She must have noticed and goes, "follow me, we are all going to the same place." Bless her! She goes, I am going to show you the short cut. So I am a total rookie and I am so grateful for this girl helping me. Then we get to the RE and she goes, "you sign in first, you were here first." How nice! I love her an would love her to be my new best friend!

So anyway.. onto the nitty gritty. I have one follicle on my right ovary that is about 14.5 mm. It needs to be between 17-20 to be mature. There are 3 under 10 there also. The lining is 5 ( I have no idea what that means? )
So I tell the nurse that I normally ovulate on CD16 and she said that my measurements make sense then. She sends me over for some blood work. I guess it is all normal because she said I would hear that morning if it wasn't. So now I need to start using the Ovulation predictor kits. I started this morning. So far I just got the " O ". I am waiting for the . Then I need to call in and schedule the IUI for the very next morning. So we are looking at somewhere between Sunday and Tuesday!!! Yipee!!

This it totally not TTC related...

But I wanted to say that I got tickets for the New Kids on the Block today. Of course we couldn't get anything but the 300 section so I will have to hike up those stairs. And I really hope that by September I am complaining that I don't want to walk up those stairs because I am pregnant and my back hurts!!! And no, I am not dragging DH to this concert. In fact, he has outright refused. That is okay, that means I am free to kiss Joey if he brings me up on stage to sing "Please don't go girl". Okay tell me that wasn't your fantasy at age 13????

I hope that I have a baby in my belly and his or her first concert is NKOTB!!!

Next up, Wednesday's appointment for my Sonogram to see how my follies are progressing!!

The Big Guns!!!

So this is a little summary of our "bringing in the big guns" appointment. More commonly known as the RE.
Basically we filled out a bunch of paperwork and then talked to the doctor for a while. My mom told me she thought she knew him and that he had a big civil war mustache. Which if you know Stephen, a HUUUUGE civil war buff, made him SOOO happy.
So imagine our disappointment when the Dr. was just a normal looking guy. So either my mom got him confused with someone, or he shaved.
We told him our whole convoluted story, (see post number one)and he explained what he thought we should do.
He agreed that Dh had a nice count and that our concerns were the motility and the morphology. He thinks that since my cycles have been somewhat regular that I am ovulating on my own and that we can forgo drugs for now. He told us about 3 levels of IUI. He mentioned that we should try about 3 cycles of unmedicated IUI (Level 1)before we try Clomid. At this point he doesn't think we need it and when we mentioned the family history of twins he said our chances of twins would be even higher than the normal 10-15% with using clomid. If those IUI's don't work, we would consider Clomid (Level 2), or surgery to repair Stephen's varicociles. So, then he told us about Level 3. Basically more drugs and the possibilities of triplets and quads. This is where Stephen almost hit the floor. He goes "Doc what are you trying to do to me. We only have one bedroom." Again, the doctor didn't think he was funny and just raised his eyebrows! I shot Stephen "The Look" again. He got very quiet. I laughed on the inside.
So then we did a ton of bloodwork. All of the hormonal levels on me have come back normal so far. We will have to wait until Cd21ish or 7DPO to test my progesterone. He thinks this is a possibility of an issue for me. Low progesterone can make it difficulty for you to hang onto a pregnancy (i.e., increased risk of miscarriage). He thinks that this may be my issue because of the weird spotting that I have.

When then did a baseline sonogram. God I hate seeing that empty uterus. I looked over at Stephen and told him that one day we will see something in there! He teared up and we were kind of quiet for the rest of that test.

Then we made an appointment for me to go back next week for another sonogram at 6:30 in the morning on Wednesday.. UGHHHHHHH.. But that will show how my follicles are progressing and predict when I may ovulated. Then I start using OPK's and when I get that smiley face I call and make an appointment to get turkey basted the next morning!! As long as Stephen's counts are over 5 million after the wash, we will only do one IUI per cycle. If Stephen has a bad day, then we go to doing back to back IUI's (i.e., two IUI's in a row).

SO that's it!!! We have a plan!!! You don't know how good this feels. I have so much hope!!

Hopefully the rest of my posts won't be soo long or boring. But that's the story up until now!

How Stephen Makes Life Fun!

Okay, So I love my husband. He has a great gift of turning his nervous energy into immature antics that make me laugh.. most of the time.

Here are some the completely inappropriate things he has done in a effort to make me less stressed during the doctor visits.
1. This one goes back to when I was having the miscarriage. We were in the sonogram room waiting for the tech to come and do the wonderful internal sono!(more on that later) DH stands up and grabs the light (you know, the one that is attached to the table so the doctor can see up there.. emmm yeahh). and he starts talking into it like is a microphone. He is stretching the damn thing every which way, while of course I am talking a stern voice trying to get him to sit down and be quite.. All the while I am trying not show him how amusing I really think he is.

2. Later that same appointment.. the sono tech comes in and she is preparing the large dildo they like to call a sono probe. And I see her reach over and take one of the probe covers out of the box. For anyone who hasn't been through this, they look like giant condoms. So I see this and I close my eyes and I am silently praying that DH can rise above his usual maturity and let this go. I turn over and I swear he was turning purple from tying not to laugh... I give him "The Look". Which I guess he thought was a challenge because, he proceeds to ask the tech if those are condoms and why are they so big and various other horrifying questions. I was dying.. dying I tell you!! Thank god she had a sense of humour and was joking along with him! Then she squeezes the gel on the probe and of course, of course it makes a farting noise. The sono tech and him start cracking up and making fart jokes!!! I swear!!!

3. We are at the RE. Who we now know does not share DH's unique brand of humor. The RE is explaining that he needs Stephen's signature so that when I bring in a sample he can match the signature and know that it is Stephen's sample and not some random guy.. okay.. yeah.. really??? But DH thinks it is the appropriate time to tell the RE that we are both short and he will be checking our future child's height to make sure no switcheroo's went on. He got "The Look". Thank god this time he shut up. He did almost fall off his chair when we were discussing the meds and the possibilities of trips or quads.. That I found funny!

4. This one took the cake. He is sitting on the table at the Urologists office in nothing but a hospital gown. We are waiting for the Dr. to come see us. I am sitting directly in front of the table. In the middle of a sentence, he leans back and puts his feet in the stirrups! Giving me the WORST view of his twigs and berries that I ever care to take in!! I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. So he just up and starts playing with all the instruments on the counter. We hear the door open and the doctor walks in. So he tells her "sorry, we were just fooling around". The poor doctor starts stuttering because she thought he meant "fooling around", you know baby dancing!!! Oh Lord.. we were dying!!!!!!

So all in all.. I admit that even thought I give him "The Look", I am so happy he is there to make me smile through all this!

Abbreviations I May Use.

Just so we are all speaking the same langauge.

TWW- Two week wait. The two weeks between Ovulation and AF.....A.K.A. When all rational thinking goes out the window.
AF- Aunt Flow, The crimson tide.. Dude call it what you will, it stinks to be a girl sometimes.
BD- Baby Dancing, The horizontal Mambo, Sex.
O- Ovulation, Not be confused with the Big "O".. Hee hee.
CD- Cycle Day. What day in a the cycle you are
DPO- Days past ovulation
LP- Luetal phase. The two weeks before AF
RE- Reproductive Endrocrinologist (The big guns)
SA- Semen Analysis
POAS- Peeing on a stick.. Yup the pregnancy test. I am trying hard to resisit this urge
OPK-Ovualtion Predictor Kit. The digital ones give you smiley face when it is time to BD.. or in our case.. give a sample to a cup.. This is another version of POAS.
DH- That would be Stephen, Darling Husband
DW- That would be Trish, Darling Wife
TTC- Trying To Concieve
IUI- Intra-uterine Insemination
MF- Male factor infertility (also MFI, or just MI)

Okay that is enough homework for now.. Have fun with that!

Introducing Us.

Hi, I am Trish and my DH (darling husband) is Stephen. We are starting this blog as a way to chronicle our journey through infertility. I promise that after this I will try to inject some humor into my posts and DH will help. He is far funnier than I am. He is also quite experienced in this whole blog thing, while I am a novice. I am making the abbreviations that I will be using from now on in Red. Know them, love them, use them.
So here is our story from the top.
We started trying in June of 2007. I will admit I was really naive and thought that we would get pregnant right away. Everyone told me to expect that it might take a while and I nodded, I said, "Of course, I know". But really.. I knew that wouldn't happen to us. So we started bd-ing (baby dancing-sex-blush blush) like crazy. Each month would go by and we were unsuccessful. But low and behold just as we started to get nervous we got pregnant! We had gone to a wedding in Atlanta and I we had some vacation luck. We found out in the end of September. I had a faint line on Friday and I called my mom and my aunt.. and few friends. Then on Saturday, the line disappeared. I had some weird pains and I got freaked out. I drove all the way to PA for a baby shower, crying the whole way. I started to feel better and by the time I got home I was feeling good. That would be until I walked in the door and my husband sat me down and told me my grandpa died that morning. I was devastated to say the least. The next morning however I pulled out a digital and tested and saw that wonderful word "pregnant"! So I told my whole family and we all marveled at how amazing the circle of life could be. We lost someone and gained someone in one day. And of course my baby had a very special angel looking over him or her.
We dealt with the next week which was very difficult but, we got through it. I met my wonderful midwife that next Friday and things were looking up. Sunday I went to my high school reunion. I was dancing and gossiping and having a great time. I kept trying to ignore the strong cramp I was having. That is until I went to the bathroom and realized that I was spotting. I knew right then that it was over. We went home and had to call everyone and tell them that I had miscarried.
The miscarriage was long and bad and I spotted and bled for close to 30 days! But once it was over I thought okay.. women are more fertile after miscarriages, lets start trying right away. We didn't skip a month. My OB told us we ovulated right after the miscarriage and we were back on board.
After a few more months we began to have that bad feeling again. I don't have the greatest relationship with my OB and I really wanted to switch, so when DH went to his annual physical he convinced the doctor to give him a script for a semen analysis. The results were as we suspected, low motility. However he had a GREAT count. Like 150 million.
So we found ourselves a great urologist that specializes in fertile. She did a repeat SA and a sonogram of him. Guess what.. counts are still great but, now the morphology is low, along with his motility. He has two varicociles. But since his counts are high she wants us to try IUI (insemination, turkey basting if you will).
So she gave us the name of a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) and off we went!