5 days ago
The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
I guess my progesterone is normal????
The nurse told me this morning that they would call by 3pm, only if there was a progesterone deficiency. I started to object but, I stopped myself. However, this is the ONE test that I was most worried about. I had a previous miscarriage and I was so so nervous about the progesterone level. I wanted them to call me and tell me the results either way. I really did. But it was 6:30 in the morning and I shut my mouth.
So here is it 3:30pm and I haven't received a phone call. I should relax. That means it's okay, right? Well, what if they misplaced my name, forgot to call me, called the wrong person? What if my progesterone is low, I find out that I am pregnant but, it's too late and I miscarry. I am nuts. I know. DH convinced me to call the nurses line. I did. It is after 2pm and the message services is picking up. I wouldn't hear back until tomorrow anyway.
So why can't I accept that this is good news and relax. Why am I a nervous wreck? Why don't I trust someone to call with the correct results? Why? Because I lost one baby and I never want to go through that again. Ever. Ever. Ever. I am so scared to get pregnant again. So scared. I don't know how I will relax. For me, low progesterone was the easy fix. I could tell myself that is why I lost the baby and take the supplements and it would all be fixed. But, now I am back to the big answerless question... WHY???? Why did I lose that baby and how can I stop it from happening again? My worst fear is not being able to relax and not enjoying my future pregnancy. I don't want to be overwhelmed with fear. But I will be.
So I admit this is a downer post. Sorry for it. Some days are just like that.
On a better note, the fedex guy should be knocking on my door any minute to deliver my FREE hdtv with the built in dvd player from Verizon FIOS. It took about 3 weeks longer than the allotted time period to arrive and they have ended this promotion due to all the problems with it. But as I was driving home today I thought, I bet that TV is here today. I just had a feeling. I sometimes am a little psychic. And sure enough there was a fed-ex "we missed you tag". But the delivery guy left his cell number. SO I called and they will be back soon!!!! YIPEEE... I have to go to Best Buy today and get a new bracket. I am so excited. This TV I have in the bedroom was given to me a gift by my Grandma when I was 12. For real. It is so old that the channels only go up to like 20 without a cable box! So yeah to Verizon FIOS for making my gloomy paranoid day into a kind of cool one!