The trials and tribulations of our journey to make a baby.

I would die for that.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

I just realized...

......That yesterday would have been the due date for the baby we miscarried. I no sooner pressed "publish post" on my last post, then I remembered.

I spent so much time worrying about how I would feel on that day, and then I forgot. I had such a wonderful day yesterday. We took my students to a local amuesement park and we had a blast. They are special ed. but, high school and somewhat higher functioning. We spent the whole day running from ride to ride and Dh and I went out for romantic Japanese food. Two people who I am friends with, that had very close due dates to mine, just had thier babies and I am so happy for them. I thought the birth of thier children would make me feel sad. But it didn't.

And I forgot.

I don't know if that is a horrible thing or a good thing. I am glad I didn't spend the whole day crying but I am really sorry to our little angel. I think that it is good that I am at a place where I am happy for my friends but, I am so sad that I didn't remember yesterday. Is this a stupid thing to beat myself up over?

So little baby, We will never, ever forget you. We loved you, for the very short time we had to think of you. I will never forget the joy we felt the day we found out we were pregnant and the immense sadness when we lost you. I only hope that you are up in heaven with my Grandpa and he is taking care of you.

I am not going to sit around and cry all night, although I am now. I am doing much better than I was a few months ago and I won't go back to that feeling. I just wanted to acknowledge this milestone of our loss.

1 comment:

andrea said...

i don't know how i would feel - but i think you are doing a great job!

and glad you had such a nice day with your students and husband :)