Whoa..

I just went onto Lost and Found.. and it said my name under pregnancy announcements! I double blinked.. really. Is that what the two lines mean? I haven't really been able to say that word yet, pregnant. Forgive me, the rest of this is just rambling.

Our first beta is tomorrow. I can't wait to see the actual number. I feel good about this pregnancy. It feels VERY different than the last one. And I guess I want it to. Last time I had sharp, stabbing pains from the first day. And I didn't make it to 6 weeks. This time, dull AF like cramps. Not strong and not often. I am thirsty and my boobs hurt. That's it. That is just fine with me right now.

I walked by a maternity store today and I looked away really fast. I passed the IKEA baby room section and I did let myself linger for a second. Just a second. I have to protect my heart. But each passing second is making that harder and harder. I also almost poured myself a glass of wine before I remembered.. no wine. That was weird. It kind of just stopped me for a minute.

I guess I want to take a moment to acknowledge all the people who have read this blog and given me support when they don't even know me. I can't tell you what that has meant to me. I have very few people in my life who I can talk to about how I really feel or who just understand what infertility does to you. THANK YOU for being that for me. I really appreciate it.

next update: the beta numbers.